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All but one of these are true, and occurred within the last few days.
- Verizon Phone won't work ... tests show short in the house (Fixed - Kitchen phone kaput)
- Bathroom toilet leak that CANNOT be stopped after 5 FREAKING tries.
- Can't record FiOS TV to computer (Fixed - 1st guy wired it wrong)
- Porcelain chipped off a tooth in my$2 billion dollar crown
- TiVO won't work with Fios - nobody knows why Fixed replaced TIVO with FiOS DVR
- Kitchen faucet is leaking
- Trash compactor won't open
- Roomba is acting funny - runs around in circles instead of docking
- Wife ran off with the milkman
- Car battery won't take a charge.
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Gotta be #8, the Roomba is infallible....right??
ReplyDeleteLook at the bright side. Somebody has a nice Colt Python.
ReplyDelete#9. You don't even have a milkman.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet it was the guy who delivers the drycleaning.
hehhehe !
ReplyDeleteperhaps the toilet, the faucet, the compactor, TIVO, Fios, the TV, the battery, the computer, Verizon, the crown, the milkman, were all made in San Francisco?
Clearly, Nancy Pelosi is involved...
Hi, honey.
ReplyDeleteMilkman turned out to be no better'n you.
I'll be home soon.
How's the Roomba?
-- Honeybuns
They should replace the Roomba. We have had ours over a year and no problemo. Yep the wifey is still right there and she is going to spank you.
ReplyDeleteSend that one in to Letterman. It's classic
ReplyDeleteRoombas sometimes develop a programming issue. Call their 800 number and they will send you a neat little reprogramming stick/chip that will fix the circle-dance.
ReplyDelete"Milkman turned out to be no better'n you."
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOL... gold...
maybe roomba vacuumed a little too much of the pink carpet, and now feels oppressed.
Saint Isidore of Seville is the patron saint of technology. He might be persuaded to intercede on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteRog, so you want me to go to the store for a half gallon for you?
ReplyDeleteMilk tastes like shit. She'll be back.
ReplyDeleteI've cured many a battery and or starting/charging problem by removing the cables and giving them, plus giving the posts and connections, a thorough cleaning,at the battery and at the alternator & starter.
ReplyDeleteRodger,
ReplyDeleteThe silver lining? Things could be worse:
Your wife's acting funny, running around in circles.
The milkman's truck won't take a charge so he took your car.
The roomba's on strike and has taken the trash compactor hostage. ;-)
ALSO, look how talented you are to fix ALL that stuff!!!
Two pinky rings?
ReplyDeleteShoot the SOB!
clap*clap to Juice and all of you. Made me put the gun away.
ReplyDeleteJust an excercise on how versatile Hanky Pelosi is:
ReplyDeleteVerizon Phone won't work ... tests show short in the Hanky
Bathroom Hanky leak that CANNOT be stopped after 5 FREAKING tries.
Porcelain chipped off a tooth in my $2 billion dollar Hanky
Kitchen Hanky is leaking
Hanky compactor won't open
Hanky is acting funny - runs around in circles instead of docking
Wife ran off with the Hanky
Hanky battery won't take a charge.
Rog, in re #2, is it a tank type? If so, have you changed the seal between the tank and the commode? A major culprit, and a pain in the rectum to change, but usually that's it.
ReplyDeleteIn re #6, if it's a delta, there are fix it kits with the rubber pieces and springs that need to be changed, an easy half-hour job. If it's not, why not? Replace it with something swanky for a hundred samolions.
Casca
Oh yeah, #10, probably a bad cell. Shitcan the battery, and move on soldier.
ReplyDeleteCasca
You have been using too much energy and releasing too many gases into our Mother Earth athmosphere.
ReplyDeleteSaint Al Gore knows when you've been good, and he knows when you've been good and now he's punishing you by putting the kabosh into your appliances.
REPENT SINNER! REPENT!
"Saint Al Gore knows when you've been good, and he knows when you've been good"
ReplyDeleteOf course I meant "and he knows when you've been bad". Forgive me Saint Al Gore for I took your name in vain and committed a typo. Oy! now I'll bet my Roomba won't do the samba anymore...
If #9 is true, then most of the other problems are irrelevant anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd if I'd known you were going to use my Python for that, I wouldn't have lent it to you.
Casca, tanks, but the toilet problem has more to do with the 3" space I have to operate in to tighten all the various connections than anything.
ReplyDelete