Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia Story

When the police are indistinguishable from the bad guys, then society has a serious problem. - Philadelphia District Attorney Lynne Abraham

1974 “ I'm in Philadelphia for sales training.  At night a bunch of us, maybe 7-8, and from all over the eastern seaboard, do a walking tour of  taverns.   Anon, we wind up here, where the barkeep greets me like an old friend.  Bear in mind, I'm by now oiled enough to play along. Barkeep Hey, Ritchie, howdafu*k are ya?  Long time. Me: Uh, yeah man, good to see you too. Barkeep: Yeah, thought maybe you quit the department... your brother still walkin' the beat? Me: Yeah, still there. We place drink orders; the guy next to me asks, "Do you know this guy?"   Nope, never been here before in my life. We're throwing down some shots and I notice that the  hookers, who had been flitting around us, are now huddled together at a back table.  We drink up and are ready to continue the tour.  I motion to the barkeep; he comes right over. Me: Check. Barkeep Check?  Whattsa matter witcha?  Come on, it's onna house Ritchie. Me Hey thanks Louie. Barkeep Here's something for ya. *hands me paper lunch bag* Once outside I look, and there's $300 in $20 bills.  WTF?  Then it hits us all at the same time.  The guy mistook me for a Philadelphia cop looking for shakedown money. Holy crap, we got the hell out of that neighborhood likkety-split. I bought the drinks from then on. ” 1998 “ Philadelphia's police are grappling with the latest of the corruption and brutality scandals that have earned them one of the worst reputations of big city police departments in the United States. The persistence and regularity of the cycles indicate that between the front-page news stories the city and its police force are failing to act to hold police accountable. The result is an undisturbed culture of impunity that surfaces and is renewed with each successive scandal, as each new generation of police officers is taught through example that their leadership accepts corruption and excessive force. As a result, police officers who should not have remained on the force have unlawfully injured and killed citizens, the city has paid enormous sums in settlements and awards to victims of police misconduct, and many minority communities are distrustful of police officers who too often act like criminals. Shielded from Justice:, June 1998 ” 2:10 AM - NOW “ The phone rings and I fumble around to answer it, knocking a glass off the table that crashes to the floor and breaks. It's my son. His voice is shaking. He's in Philadelphia with a friend, a Moe concert at the Electric Factory.  "I was just mugged, dad.  They took everything. " Are you okay, I ask? Five guys came up to me as I walked out of the venue, and said, "walk with us, and give us everything or we'll kill you." He gave them his wallet, camera, iPod,  and car keys. But wait!  Of a sudden two Philadelphia cops pull up in a squad car and the thugs run, but one is grabbed immediately.  He throws Huck's car keys and camera back.  Things are going fast here folks, but the cop let's the perp go.  When Huck protests that they took his wallet, they tell him, "Fu*k you, you were buying drugs!"   Huck is astonished.   I was just at the Moe concert, he tells them, and had just walked out the door.  "Where's your ticket stub," demands the cop?  "They took my freaking wallet!"  Cop sneers and tells him to turn around and walk back into the venue, and STFU!  Huck calls his wife who immediately (she is so organized) calls and has all  credit cards canceled. Then he called me. By this time his friend, who had been separated on the egress caught up, and the two set off to find the car.  Shaken up, they get disoriented and it takes until  3:28 before he calls to say they 'd finally found the right parking lot, and were on the way home.    I'm too old for this.  Philadelphia lives up to its reputation as a town run by the mob, union thugs, and crooked cops. In case you're thinking about visiting, keep moving.  Nothing to see here. ”