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Just after the last post,
I went into the kitchen to investigate a noise. Wham!
I was cold-cocked from behind, and went sprawling to the floor.
My attacker was, and you are not going to believe this, my attacker was
freaking Paul Begala! The sumbitch swung at me with a Mau-Mau
machete of Kenyan manufacture while screaming "die Obama denier!" I
deflected the blade with a karate kick, from the prone
position, the blade nearly decapitating.-- I mean,
defooticating it. This is an actual pictrure which I renedered in
black and white lest you faint. Continuing with the leg action, I
caught Begala in the chest and flung him over my head. He jumped
up and bolted to the exit, but before he cleared the door I had
unholstered my .45 and pumped three slugs into his back. He
stumbled out the door where somebody, another assassin, caught him and
dragged him to a waiting van. I'm pretty sure it was Howard
Dean
I am not making this up, although I may have actually dropped a very
sharp knife while slicing a sub roll, and punctured a blood vessel in
my foot. I'm weak from blood loss, and can't remember. Bastards. |
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That bastard Begala. Sneaking up to steal your sandwich. Somebody should have warned you to load silver bullets. All you did was interupt his evening.
ReplyDeleteBullshit.
ReplyDeleteI can't feature you shooting someone in the back.
WV: "wriar" Bruce Ree thinks you make stuff up, too.
King. Rodger Schlong as the Pirate King
ReplyDeleteWhen I sally forth to seek my prey
I help myself in a royal way.
I sink a few more slugs, it’s true,
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;
But many a king on a first-class throne,
If he wants to call his crown his own,
Must manage somehow to get through
More dirty work than ever I do.............Cecil & Sullivan
He was running away, in the back was my only option. Does that make me a bad person?
ReplyDeleteLet this be a lesson to you. Instead of sandals, you should always wear steel-toed safety shoes with instep protectors when slicing sub rolls.
ReplyDeleteThat way, when Begala tries to steal your sandwich and you karate kick him, it will hurt like a motherfucker and you won't need to waste three bullets on him.
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick
"Does that make me a bad person?"
ReplyDeleteOrdinarily, yes it would, but this is Begala we're talking about here.
5 minutes in the Penalty Box.
Sharpen that blade up - only dull knives are dangerous. Uh....how can you tell Begala's front from his rear?
ReplyDeleteThat freaking knife was, as are all my knives, razor sharp, which would be immaterial in the instance where the point did the cleaving.
ReplyDeleteOops - I forgot the:
ReplyDelete/facetious
And a speedy recovery Rodger.
Where did you get them sandals Saks 5th Ave. ?
ReplyDeleteSpanky
We'll know soon enough who the attacker was - just wait to see who tries to pass a bill requiring protective footwear in all kitchens - for the children's safety of course.
ReplyDeleteIf you thought it was Howard Dean you shoulda shot him too while you had the chance.
TFV
Sigh, I had by that time collapsed from loss of blood, T. When MoSup found me, she marvelled at my ability to withstand such trauma and suffer so uncomplaingly.
ReplyDeleteIt's them good drugs.intinal
ReplyDeleteBack shootin's just fine in my book, they are, after the enemy. Winning is what counts. I never saw the Marquis D' Queensburry (sic)standing by to help ME in a fight.
ReplyDeleteThat's for the sacrifice endured to create this PSA: I am guilty of working in my leather shop in sandals with sharp implements.
Rodger do they make steel toed Chef Shoes? If so what's your size, I know JUST what to get you for Christmas.
Keep that wound clean, proly food particle in there like a tiger bight.
RAK
Had I been wearing anything but my hippie flip-flops, I'd have survived. I do have steel toe boots, and I'm constantly thinking about the steel being bent and cutting my toes off. Same reason I can't wear a cup.
ReplyDelete