scream-of-consciousness;
"If you're trying to change minds and influence people it's probably not a good idea to say that virtually all elected Democrats are liars, but what the hell."
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Saturday, January 02, 2016
Dad Jokes
Commit to memory; Be a hero to your
kids/grandkids— girls at the single bar
Lady to hardware store clerk: "I need a 3/8" nut, please". Clerk: "Do you want a screw for that?" Lady: "No, but I'll blow you for that toaster over there!"
Good fun. Good laughs. Took me here -
ReplyDeleteShe's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman
A recent survey showed that 6 out of seven dwarves are not Happy.
ReplyDeleteThe roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
ReplyDeleteI thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
Tim
Did you hear about the woman who backed into a fan? Disaster.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever try to tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They'll take it literally.
ReplyDeleteWhat a list; I will rule!
ReplyDeleteSometimes all you need is the punchline, e.g., "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!" or "No, No, Nurse! I said prick his boil!"
ReplyDeleteStu Tarlowe aka The Joke Wrangler
Lady to hardware store clerk:
ReplyDelete"I need a 3/8" nut, please".
Clerk: "Do you want a screw for that?"
Lady: "No, but I'll blow you for that toaster over there!"
Phil N. LeBlanc
There was a young man who's Dad told him to go to Cox's to get a seer sucker suit but he slipped up and went to Sears.
ReplyDeleteTim
Those are so awful.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to use them on my kids.