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After having been told my danglies looked like an
elderly rastafarian I
decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving
attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out
trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I
thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a
treat.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter
of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only
describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent
on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in
my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to
any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and
what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Understandably
this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard
her come in it caused an involutary spasm
Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of
in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of
hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across
the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible
and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of
cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice
cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was
fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery
stabbing soon returned . [Full
Review]
Reminds me of the time when I (age 11-yrs, or so) applied liquid
HEET
to my gentleman's area to see how it felt.
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I´ve been here a while now and I´ll have to admit you´ve posted some funny stuff, however, this is the first time I´ve shit myself before reading even half.
ReplyDeleteThat is the funniest thing I have ever read, I was crying trying to read it to my wife.
ReplyDeleteGeo
Most awesome review evah.
ReplyDelete...a gay snowman in the kitchen.
And the comments, oh boy.
Thanks Tom and Rodge! Way to start the day.
So he's saying it worked then?
ReplyDelete(Dear God, heet to your knobbly bits? So how did it feell?)
I'm sold! Off to try it!
ReplyDeleteYeah …
ReplyDeleteI'm not doin' that again!
If God had wanted ya to have a pretty ass and all He would have made ya a baboon. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rog, I really needed that! As you may have already discovered the dark side of the force has been victorious and in serious need of vanquishing. Needless to say, I have been pretty glum of late. This was so funny that while I tried to read it to my wife I couldn't stop laughing and had to pause to recover!
ReplyDeleteBolivar
Wife asks why I am rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off.
ReplyDeleteI read it to her.
She says "You think that's funny?"
Maybe bcause women have been suffering through that drill since high school.
ReplyDeleteIn Jr. High gym class, a couple of kids put a thin smear of Atomic Balm in another kid's jock strap. He left class during line-up and was found lying in the showers running a stream of cold water on his cluster.
ReplyDeleteNeither one of us ever told, until later that afternoon.