Wednesday, September 16, 2015

So a guy walks into a bar ...

          
   Catharsis  
 
FIVE THINGS


 I wrote a letter to my dad. I wrote, "I really enjoyed being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a really harsh turn right away.-Mitch Hedberg

There's an old Jewish man walking on the beach and he comes across a magic lantern. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie says to the old Jewish man, "I will grant you anything you want." The old Jewish man pulls out a map of the Middle East and shows it to the genie and says, "I would like peace in the Middle East between Israelis and the Palestinians." The genie looks at the map and says, "I cannot do that. Anything else?" And so the Jewish man says, "I would like my wife to blow me one more time." The genie says, "Let me see that map again."

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen. And I could just have his motorcycle. -Anthony Jeselnik

A string and his friends walk into a bar, and the string goes up to get a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." So the string ties himself in a loop and does up the top of his head and then goes up to the bar, and the bartender goes, "Uh . . . are you a string?" And the string goes, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


Esquire

Government Cracks




When Democrats are in charge                                               


Naturally, the government has to ruin everything, including Little Free Libraries.

You may have seen one of these little bird house turned mini-libraries in your neighborhood. They’re a lovely idea. Simple, no fuss, and quite fun. Donate a book, borrow a book. Nothing to sign, no due date, no late fees, just common courtesy.

Conor Freidersdorf of The Atlantic explored the ridiculous trend of “shutting down” unregulated community book sharing.

In Kansas, residents were told to remove the library at peril of fine:

The Leawood City Council said it had received a couple of complaints about Spencer Collins’ Little Free Library. They dubbed it an “illegal detached structure” and told the Collins’ they would face a fine if they did not remove the Little Free Library from their yard by June 19.

Evidently, Los Angeles and Shreveport, Louisiana are hotbeds of illicit literary lending activity. YAWN

Like, we're in the shower line at Auschwitz when someone mentions he heard the SS cadre are adding 100 new guards.  Like that. At some point you're just numbed out.


DEMOCRATS & PALS HAND VICTORY TO OBAMA ...



                         







Playing with Snakes


On Sept. 11, The New York Times demonstrated once again the media's peculiar sense of patriotism. The 9/11 attacks were not remembered at all on the front page. Instead, the top-right headline in capital letters read "DEMOCRATS HAND VICTORY TO OBAMA ON PACT WITH IRAN."

The House of Representatives voted against it. The Senate voted against it. The American people are overwhelmingly against it. None of that mattered.

Times reporter Jennifer Steinhauer relayed sugary words from Sen. Charles Schumer -- who, last we checked, opposed the Iran deal -- proclaiming "fair-minded Americans should acknowledge the president's strong achievements in combating and containing Iran."

The networks sounded just like that on a previous night for "victory," Sept. 2, when liberal Sen. Barbara Mikulski made the agreement veto-proof. "A big victory for President Obama," announced ABC anchor David Muir. "In a major win for the Obama administration, the nuclear deal with Iran now appears unstoppable," gushed NBC anchor Lester Holt. "This is a major diplomatic victory for the President. ... This is something that will shape the Obama legacy," declared CNN reporter Jim Acosta.

These Obama servants have a problem with those aforementioned "fair-minded Americans." They don't trust the Iranians as far as they can throw them. NBC's Andrea Mitchell briefly mentioned on NBC that "Polls show Americans are sharply divided over the agreement but Republican candidates sure aren't."

If George W. Bush was losing a foreign-policy debate by 30 points, do you think the press would portray the public as "sharply divided"?
"Sharply divided" is a spin. The American people are sharply opposed to the Obama deal.

On Sept. 11, The New York Times demonstrated once again the media's peculiar sense of patriotism. The 9/11 attacks were not remembered at all on the front page. Instead, the top-right headline in capital letters read "DEMOCRATS HAND VICTORY TO OBAMA ON PACT WITH IRAN."

The House of Representatives voted against it. The Senate voted against it. The American people are overwhelmingly against it. None of that mattered.

Times reporter Jennifer Steinhauer relayed sugary words from Sen. Charles Schumer -- who, last we checked, opposed the Iran deal -- proclaiming "fair-minded Americans should acknowledge the president's strong achievements in combating and containing Iran."

The networks sounded just like that on a previous night for "victory," Sept. 2, when liberal Sen. Barbara Mikulski made the agreement veto-proof. "A big victory for President Obama," announced ABC anchor David Muir. "In a major win for the Obama administration, the nuclear deal with Iran now appears unstoppable," gushed NBC anchor Lester Holt. "This is a major diplomatic victory for the President. ... This is something that will shape the Obama legacy," declared CNN reporter Jim Acosta.

These Obama servants have a problem with those aforementioned "fair-minded Americans." They don't trust the Iranians as far as they can throw them. NBC's Andrea Mitchell briefly mentioned on NBC that "Polls show Americans are sharply divided over the agreement but Republican candidates sure aren't."

"Sharply divided" is a spin. The American people are sharply opposed to the Obama deal.

On Sept. 2, the latest Quinnipiac poll showed the Iran deal was wildly unpopular -- 25 percent in favor, 55 percent opposed. Independents gave it thumbs down, 59 to 24 percent. When asked if the deal would make us more or less safe, 28 percent said "safer," and 56 percent checked "less safe."

If George W. Bush was losing a foreign-policy debate by 30 points, do you think the press would portray the public as "sharply divided"? [Full]

Were were the torches?  Where were the pitchforks?