“The Old Sea Crab"

Celebrating Our Western Culture

“ “The Old Sea Crab,’ perhaps the oldest oldest surviving bawdy song in English (1643), based on a traveler’s tale in Russia, ca. 1280: Now, old John Henry had a story to tell, Singing, diddy-ah, diddy-ah ding, Now, old John Henry had a story to tell, And yes, by gosh, it was dirty as hell, Singing, diddy-ah, diddy-ah ding, Singing, diddy-ah, diddy-ah ding. John Henry caught a sea-crab by the back bone, And he tugged and he pulled till he finally got it home. When he got home his wife was asleep, So he put it in the pisspot, safe to keep. Well, his wife got up and she straddled the pot, And the damned old sea-crab got her by the twat. Then she said, John Henry, there’s a devil in the pot, And he’s got two horns and they’re red-hot! John Henry got up in his night-clothes, And the damned old sea-crab got him by the nose. Then said John Henry, Won’t you let a little fart, To blow my nose and your ass apart. Well, she heaved and she ho’d, and she come a little bit, And she filled John Henry’s face full of shit. Now, of this story I know no more— There’s an apple up my ass and you can have the core. Well, the moral of the song is easy to define: None of us has got an eye on our behind. So better be sure before you squat, There’s nothing swimming in the chamberpot. ” Jargon Society