MoSup
just looked in on my work table and expressed an idea.
"Why don't you explain to people how
you are able to interpret pictures? Explain why everyone calls you the
Sherlock Holmes of pictures."
I asked
what she meant, and she said,
"You know. You can tell what's phony and what's real. Like
those two
girls there. What do they tell you? I'm off to buy some bird
seed."
Well okay, although I'm sure you'll find it
very boring.
Let's start with the girl on the left. The average person looking
at this sees another everyday young lady walking down the
street. Nuh-uh. This is a staged shot. Look at
her ring .
That sort of ring is very popular with models; it flips open and can
store a gram of coke, or a tuna sandwich. The raised skirt
is staged, probably with compressed air, or she just twirled on
cue. The biggest giveaway however is she's not wearing
underpants. Only models go out in a short skirt like this and not
worry about people seeing their stuff. She's a pro.
Now, the girl on the right. From her surroundings and body language I
know she's in the waiting room of car dealership, waiting
for her Ford Focus to be serviced. Look at her ring ;
it's an engagement ring of modest size, perhaps ¾ carat. So she's
not a floozy socialite. She works as
a typist (fingernails) and is almost certainly wearing
underpants. The
photo was probably snapped by another customer with his cell
phone.
This is not staged. Her bra straps
are showing and her hair
is a mess. But she's real. This is the kind of girl you
want your
son to bring home. The other one, well he can bring her home
too. Not to his home though, his wife would kill him.
|
I'm sorry. Did you say something?
ReplyDeleteCasca
Good try, Rodge, but you gotta follow thoughhhhhhhh.
ReplyDelete• The girl in red merely farted. Normally, one wouldn't get this on camera, but cameras with sound triggers are getting pretty common.
• The girl in red's ring is a reproduction of the ring worn by Azura, Queen of Magic, in the old Flash Gordon serials. You know, the ring that turned her enemies into the Clay People.
• The girl in green is the second wife of the photographer's cousin, Wilfred. Her name is also Wildfred. I remember this story from somewhere.
• This shoot was done in Iran, so bra straps were actually PhotoShopped-in at the demand of the Iranian Committee for the Protection of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. I mean, who wears bra straps under spaghetti straps?
• The green dress straps were being pulled down by an assistant behind her. Unfortunately, you don't show the follow-on series of shots.
• Most interesting of all are the rulers along the border. They are not callibrated in pixels, inches, or mm. They are calibrated in Fisbins, which is an add-on option used in the glamor industry as an anti-piracy measure.
Well yeah, if you want to jump right into chapter 4.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Zapruder.
ReplyDeleteCasca
"who wears bra straps under spaghetti straps?"
ReplyDeleteEvery teenage girl attending high school in the United States...