Squirrels. I hate their guts!

Catharsis “ I posted this 6-7 years ago,  and it's only gotten better with age.  From the wonderful Perry Bible Fellowship collection (winner of the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize) It was just in April that, of a sudden, my car's fuel line burst.  No, it wasn't Obama sabotage like I suspected (although if Dolphins can be trained to sink submarines, I guess squirrels ... .)  Anyway, the fuel line had been gnawed by squirrels, and it cost me over $100 to repair, not counting a tank of gas.  Guess what?  It just happened again, this time the bill was $125.67.  Squirrels.  I asked the mechanic why the lines weren't made of something squirrel proof.  Him:"you'd think so, wouldn't you?  Me: You'd  think squirrels would hate the taste of gas in the first place. Him: Maybe has something to do with the lines being made with a soy based compound Me:  NO! Him: Yes Me:  Soy?  That's food.  WTF? Him: Yes He  recommended that I get the pellet gun out.  I told him that my squirrels are so spooked by my presence that they scamper as soon as I touch the window.  He tells me his partner Mike had the same problem, and got traps from the county.  He catches them and releases them a few miles away. So what good does that do?  They probably come right back  "No, he spray paints them day-glo yellow so he can recognize them if they do,"  Presumably the second time around they go into the Inter-Coastal waterway. What I've done then is put rat killer pellets on a tarp under the car.  Before I drive off I pull the tarp out and cover it so other animals don't get it.  In the old days I could just kill them with a shotgun, and that in fact is what we all did.  Before we was all  pussey'd-up.  ”