This is the the Ryugyong Hotel
in North Korea's capital city of Pyongyang, It's a real
monument to the glory of Stalinist communism. Construction began
in 1987, at an estimated cost of $750 million, or 2% of the
country's gross domestic product (GDP). There are no windows,
plumbing, or wiring nineteen years later. It was so poorly
engineered that it's literally sagging in the middle, and in danger of
falling over. Kim Jong Il is trying to lure foreign investors to
pony up around $300 million to make some corrections. I'm not
making that up. Call your broker today.
Anyway, this is all pretty much public, if underreported,
knowledge. Our media usually look for bright spots in islands of
despair, like North Korea and Cuba, so maybe it's pure racism on their
part that we've heard so little about the glory of Kim's health
care system. Sorry, I was being snide, not to mention off-track. There are reasons
why a veil of secrecy has been placed over the Ryugyong Hotel. A
veil I am about to lift. Slowly. Sensuously. Whoa.
In 1994, Clinton administration factotums
were frozen at the helm after North Korean dictator Kim Sung Il
announced he was taking his fuel rods out of storage, and going full
throttle into nuclear development. Privately, President Clinton
asked Jimmy Carter to act as an intermediary, despite warnings that Jummy was a loose cannon. The White House said that Carter was acting on his own. My bosses in the, er, import business
were quite concerned that Carter might do something very foolish.
To that end I was parachuted into the Potong District of
Pyongyang the night before Carter arrived. My instructions were
to kill him if he tried to surrender the United States to the
NorKs. Posing as a street vendor selling Kimchi out of a goat
cart just outside the meeting hall, I would be at-the-ready (my eyes
were pulled back with Scotch Tape - hey,it works!). The
conference room had been bugged (still is as far as I know), and if a clear and present danger eventuated, I'd get a signal, and gain access by walking into the hall saying ''I have 6 order Kimchi for Dear Leader." Once in, I'd spray the room. Prolly would not have made it home, but that's the price of freedom.
Of course that wasn't necessary. All Carter gave away were a few
billion dollars, a nuclear reactor, and 1000 videos for Sung's star
struck son, Jong (now North Korea's megalomaniac-in-charge).
In my spare time I did some sight seeing, and was drawn to the
Ryugyong Hotel. You can't not be. It's the tallest building in
the country. What I discovered was astounding. On close
inspection, it's quite apparent that the building was never intended to
be a hotel. I took pictures; this one was never handed over.
Now you know what we're dealing with.
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