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These are from TFV ...
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the
pill
and now they have a son.
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Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it
goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses, and all the kings'
men.
Had scrambled eggs, for breakfast again.
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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He
kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said
Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you there?'
Said the pie man
unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass.'
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There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her
forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad
she got a fur coat,
Jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
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Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat
took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see
such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
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Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and
plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little
bastard. |
No  Versions
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Hah! Those are just AWFUL!! And we are choking on our laughter at your illustrations! Thanks!! We needed a laugh today!
ReplyDeleteTFV
No, thank you for the material.
ReplyDelete>>>
ReplyDeleteHickory, Dickory, Dock,
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
and beat the f*ck out of the other two...
>>>
Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
ReplyDeleteHow does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And one little f**king onion.
Another poem that I love...........Dr. Seuss explains why computers crash.
ReplyDeleteIf a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is Interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your systems gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
till your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet the suckers gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
And the macrocode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
.
Some might say that Stupid Jack forgot the tube sack... Can't blame it all on Jill.
ReplyDeleteTonto
Old Mother Hubbard
ReplyDeleteWent to her cupboard,
To fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over,
Rover drove ‘er,
Cuz Rover had a bone of his own.
Lt. Col Gen. Tailgunner dick
Mary had a little lamb,
ReplyDeleteShe tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
>>>
ReplyDelete("Stealing one here, boss!")
There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
Her uterus fell out....
>>>
Jack and Jill went up the hill
ReplyDeleteThey both had a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two and a half
You can bet they wernt up there fo water
Tim
Mary had a little lamb
ReplyDeleteShe also had a bear
I've seen her little lamb but
I've never seen her bare.
Little Miss Muffet
ReplyDeleteSat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
who said "What's in the bowl, bitch?"
Little Miss Muffet
ReplyDeleteSat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and she beat it to death with her spoon.
Here comes Peter Cottontail
hopping down the bunny trail
Hippity Hoppity tripity floppity...
Oh the farmer jumped for the saddle but the saddle wasn't there and he shoved 6 inches in the old gray mare, I got nut'n.Ozaob
ReplyDeletefor Ozaob - A few more verses I recall singing in a pub in Jo'burg:
ReplyDeleteFirst time I seed her she was floatin' down stream
With her ass blowin' bubbles and her pussy flowin' cream.
Come and tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree.
Come and tie my pecker to a tree.
Fucked her standin' and I fucked her lyin'
If she'd of had wings I'd of fucked her flyin'.
Come and wrap my pecker 'round a tree, 'round a tree.
Come and wrap my pecker 'round a tree.
Last time I seed her, and I ain't seed her since
She was jackin' off a bull through a barbed wire fence.
Come and pound my pecker on a tree, on a tree.
Come and pound my pecker on a tree.
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick