Wednesday, February 05, 2014

This is not right!

Oh My

Poor dear, she never knew ...

Think Tanking For Hillbot

Golf Fails

Golf Fails

Tommy Lee Mann

Real Fairy Tales

Stick your leg out Tommy so I can chop it off

When I was a pup me Granny would read to us (my sister) from a collection of storybooks (which I still have).  By far our favorites were the old fairy tales, and  Mr Miacca was number one on the chart.   A very dark story, which begins:

TOMMY GRIMES was sometimes a good boy, and sometimes a bad boy; and when he was a bad boy, he was a very bad boy. Now his mother used to say to him: 'Tommy, Tommy, be a good boy, and don't go out of the street, or else Mr Miacca will take you.' But still when he was a bad boy he would go out of the street; and one day, sure enough, he had scarcely got round the corner, when Mr Miacca did catch him and popped him into a bag upside down, and took him off to his house.
When Mr Miacca got Tommy inside, he pulled him out of the bag and sat him down, and felt his arms and legs. 'You're rather tough,' says he; 'but you're all I've got for supper, and you'll not taste bad boiled. But body o' me, I've forgot the herbs, and it's bitter you'll taste without herbs. Sally! Here, I say, Sally!' and he called Mrs Miacca.
So Mrs Miacca came out of another room and said: 'What d'ye want, my dear?'
'Oh, here's a little boy for supper,' said Mr Miacca, 'and I've forgot the herbs. Mind him, will ye, while I go for them.' [Full]
Just now I came across this site; Top 10 Gruesome Fairy Tale Origins.  For the most part, these are the very versions we learned from, e.g.

Foolishly riding hood takes the advice of the wolf and ends up being eaten. And here the story ends. There is no woodsman – no grandmother – just a fat wolf and a dead Red Riding Hood. The moral to this story is to not take advice from strangers.

She overhears him singing his name by a fire and so she guesses it correctly. Rumpelstiltskin, furious, runs away, never to be seen again. But in the updated version, things are a little messier. Rumpelstiltskin is so angry that he drives his right foot deep into the ground. He then grabs his left leg and rips himself in half. Needless to say this kills him.

The original tale (which actually only dates to 1837) has two possible variations. In the first, the bears find Goldilocks and rip her apart and eat her. In the second, Goldilocks is actually an old hag who (like the sanitized version) jumps out of a window when the bears wake her up. The story ends by telling us that she either broke her neck in the fall, or was arrested for vagrancy and sent to the “House of Correction”.

Somewheres between than and now, someone decided that kids couldn't handle this stuff, so they fluffed 'em up.  The Bible?  they just outlawed it.  

The fairy tales were of course morality plays designed to instill in der kinders a sense of right and wrong.  By scaring the crap out of them with horrors that befell  bad boys and girls who did not obey their parents.  Even without the Bible stories that would come later, these cautionary tales were burned into my mind.  That's not to say that I never took me chances, but I did with full knowledge of what to expect if caught.

       A later example of "the speech"
I'm going to throw this in. The television show Dragnet was very popular.  The episode I remember the  most was about drugs.  At the time I had no knowledge whatever about Pot, Heroin, etc.  It was not part of our culture, and that culture was Chicago. 

Anyway, the story, which I don't remember, was about drugs.   At the end Sgt Joe Friday gave his "speech" to the person arrested for using, and it stuck with me.  I am an addictive person.  Cigarettes, whiskey, blah-blah-blah.  But I never fell for drugs of any kind. I'm certain that was because of that first impression Sgt. Friday made.

There are, it seems, no Joe Fridays anymore. 

Selena Gomez Walks Her Music

Sliced and Diced

That Old Black Magic



Like a fool, I had the news on today when the Job-Killer-in-Chief sent that animated slug out to try to spin the latest CBO report on the millions of FTEs the ACA will cost over the next few years.  I mean, Sheeeesh!!  What a maroon!

What the guy tried to say was that the ACA impact on employment will be to make it possible for people who want health care but don’t want to work at a full-time job to get it can STILL get it by working part-time jobs . . . and that it will give them the opportunity to get out of a job they feel locked into and go do something they’d prefer, something more fun, even tho it’s not full-time.   “Opportunity!”  “Flexibility!”

 Farkle!!!!  I don’t even know where to start ripping into that bucket of hogwash.   Fully realizing that Pelosi and Schumer and lots of others, especially the alphabet “news” networks, will somehow spin the continuing loss of jobs IN THE FRIGGIN MILLIONS and the resulting loss of revenue combined with the increased dependency upon Welfare and Food Stamps and MedicAid as a GOOD THING!!!!!!


Line from a favorite song of mine, “That Old Black Magic,” went through my mind and wouldn’t go away:  “Down and down I go, round and round I go . . . in a spin, and lovin that spin I’m in . . . while under that old black magic called DUMB!!!”

I pretty much remember the lyrics, but I called it up anyway.  Looked at it and realized it doesn’t need much tweaking to turn it into an accurate parody of the LameStream media’s love affair with Soetoro.  But I did a little here and there to tighten it up a bit:


        “This New Black Magic”

 This new black magic’s got me in its spell,

Obama magic that they weave so well,

Those left-hand fingers up there in his spine,

The same old bullshit we’ve heard many times.


That tingle Mathews gets along his thighs,

And when Jay Carney starts his daily lies,

People, down and down we go, round and round we go,

Like a corpse attempting to rise.


We should fire his ass, but what can we do,

Reid’s got the votes, and he’s a tool

A tool with just enough clout

That only revolt can run the bum out.


For he’s “the one that we’ve been waiting for”

The savior that all blacks twice voted for


And every time he gives a speech,

Truthfulness down and down we go, round and round we go

In a spin, and lovin that spin we’re in

While under that new black magic called Writ.

Ron"Geoffrey Chaucer" Metzger

CHARLEY the Bike



What do you get when you cross a Harley and a '57 Chevy?

A chick magnet?
A dude magnet?  ACH!
A pissed-off wife who can't get you to fix the disposal?


You get a “Charley”!
Now isn't this about the coolest thing you have ever seen?

 Even a bumper and tail light!

Ron"Bad Boy" Metzger