Sunday, December 13, 2009

DIY

2 More reasons why I'm more
valuable than gummint

7 AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

 
  1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
  2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.  Remember to use a timer.
  4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
  6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape.  If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.  If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
  7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

4 comments:

OregonGuy said...

Got me on the first..and kept going.

Brilliant.

The first thing I taught my sons was to find someone else responsible, point a finger and then exit.

Modern politics in a sentence.
.

Anonymous said...

Homer Simpson's Secrets to Life
1. It was like that when I got here.
2. OOOO! Good idea, Boss!
3. Cover for me.

H

BlogDog said...

My take on life is that everything can be explained by two phrases.
!. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
(Hey! I heard you got married.
Yeah. It seemed like a good idea at the time.)
Then:
2. What was I thinking?
(But you're divorced.
Yeah, what was I thinking?)

And there you have it. Life in the nuttiest of shells.

pdwalker said...

*ROTFLAMO*

You monster! This one should have come with a bloody warning. You nearly made me pee and I wasn't anywhere near the sink.

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