Avert - Eyes!

Officer and Gentleman Unplugged

Run Like a Man

Barn Army Memo

Without naming names, this is  letter is representative of others I've received from many, many Barn Army women. “ Dear Supreme Commander S.H.Long: I can't thank you enough for including me in the ranks of America's Barn Army regulars.  I particularly like that you make no distinction between men and women, even to the point of having group showers and latrines.  But here's where I'd like some help.  During our bayonet charge drills, for instance, I can't help noticing that we girls run like, well, girls.  Is there some trick that will give us that same swaggering, heroic-like motion? Thanks ever so much, Samurai ... (name deleted). ” Thanks for your question (name deleted).  Yes, you'll need two boiled and peeled eggs and one of those mesh onion sacks Works like a charm

Putin's Request

Secret Files

Putin is Dyslexic

Dyslexic The recent bizarre, and pointedly jingoistic ravings of Stalin wannabe Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, a.k.a. Pooty-Poot, is explained by these secret Barn Army photos taken by undercover agent Juice. He has a dyslexic mind, and is quite illiterate. So, when he recently criticized President Bush, or threatened to cut European gas supplies, what he was really trying to say was, "Please, somebody kill me."

Verizon Service

Today's Consumer Report

Verizon

We've had Verizon FIOS phone, internet and television service for two years.  Score: Quality Interface Phone A  N/A Internet A B+ Television A- C The television interface score reflects my breaking three remote controls (@ $6.95), because I hold it in my hand, find a comfortable feeling button (Volume and Channel in my case) and, Capt. Queeg like, rock them them continuously.  More seriously, their menu system would be much improved if they just copied Direct TV's.  TV quality gets a downgrade to A- for not carrying RFD TV.   Verizon gets a Sneaky Bastard gig too, and here's why.  When we signed up we received a bundled price, but in the past year costs have undergone significant mission creep, which I attributed to rental movies, rate increases, etc.  We were at the point of ditching all but the cheapest phone service, and going with one of the Vonage services for long distance.  But I digress. While I was ordering a High Definition cable box, and exploring my options, the Verizon lady Mrs. Johnson asked, "do you know about our bundled service plan?"  Yes, we have the bundled service.  "I don't show that you do?"  Huh?  "Oh, I see.  It expired."  Huh?  "I'm going to go ahead and renew the contract (one year), is that okay?"  Huh? Bottom line, and you've seen the commercials, we will get all three services for $109/ month (cheaper than when we started) , plus the set box monthly rental fee, and tax.  In our case it means that, after adding a third HD Box (TIVO-like recorder), and getting all HD programming, we will pay about $40 less/month.   Not only that, as a parting shot Mrs. Johnson said, "Oh, by the way, we're upgrading your FIOS internet to "20" download and "5" upload speed, three times faster than presently. Which was blazing to begin with.  How fast is that?  I'm writing this review two hours from now.   I did a speed test last night. Compare yours here. I offer this for what it's worth. And remind me next January to redo my bundle, because they don't.