Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Help Wanted

I'm swamped just now ...
is there a lawyer in the house?
Dear Counsel,

My name is Zaira Hoshiko. I am contacting your firm in regards to a Divorce settlement/collection with my ex husband Allen Hoshiko who resides in your jurisdiction. I am hereby seeking your firm’s assistance in collecting the balance from him.

Your's truly,
Zaira Hoshiko


DougT said...

Dear Miz Hoshiko,

My name is Barrister Justice Obama,Esq. I am the fully documented President of the United States and Constipational Law Expert.

I am writing to intimate your request of assistance for the collection of certain sums do to you at the present moment. I and my advisories are much expert and well-equipped in securing the payment of fair share by those who have more than enough. I expect your ex husband is one of the cronies of the crminal Bush and I wish to secure for you the funds ritely do you're eminence.

All modalities for this transaction will be handled with your provision of
your first/second international passport for self-identification,the number of a bank account presently funded with at least $250,000.00 Americana and aletter of guarantee as soon as possible to start the procurement of the relevant document's with your name and in your favour as the bonafide beneficiary of this fund at stake.

Fortunately, this fund was deposited into one of our national companies, GM,presently called Government Motors, here in the emerging Peoples' Republic of the District of Columbia before your husband's sudden death while he is travelling with our Secretary of State to our 57th state of Kenya.

With regards to my discussion's with his latest Wife Mrs.Mobutu Sese Hoshiko on her last visitation to my office,she has mandated me to source for a trusted
and God fearing personality who will stand out to claim this money for herself.

NOTE:This is a RISK-FREE assistance,and you early informed that you have no money to spend while I remain President of this country. I will use the virture of
my position in the country to secure all the neccessary approval's so that this fund can be at your persual immediately while Mrs.Mobutu Sese Hashiko
will be meeting you in your country after the receipt.Bear aware that after the procurement's of the relevant document's on your behalf,you will be required to travel down here in United Banana Republic to witness my certification of live birth and
signed out this fund for yourself as the next of kin and beneficiary

Kindly confirm your interest to assist.

Thanks and best regards,

Your's sincerely,

Barrister Justice Obama Esq.

Anonymous said...

DougT - Bravo!!
BTW, can I interest you in some Zimbabwe swamp futures if you just leave a bank number as a token of your esteem?
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick

DougT said...


Thank you very nice, sir. Unfortunately, due to certain spending increases in my tax return I am presently short on liquid bank deposits. However, I have made arrangements with my personal banker, The Bernank, to provide you with rare and valuable federal reserve notes in return for your obviously valuable property. If that is insufficient, my financial advisor, the Geithner has offered to exchange valuable General Motors stock, at cost, in return for your property. If you prefer an equal exchange, my real estate guy, the Fwank, can offer you valuable collateralized real property securities belonging to the esteemed Fannie Mac and Freddie Mae in exchange for your property. I hope these offers would be acceptable to you.

Anonymous said...

DougT - Mr. Christopher Dodd has retired from the Senate to become my personal financial advisor and factor. He handles all my real estate activities and can probably arrange a mutually beneficial exchange of Zimbabwe swamp futures for some combination of Geithners and Fwanks, the new currency here in the Uhbama Republic of Bananas.
BTW, we find that Federal Reserve Notes make excellent furniture padding and are less expensive than horsehair and more durable than foam. I've also been thinking of having my tailor make me up a coat made of Federal Reserve Notes. They are also less expensive than wool.
Y'r Obd. Servant,
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick

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