Saturday, November 10, 2012

Best Product Review Ever

\"Best Product Review Ever - All Time" Tom Mann

Res Ipsa Loquitor

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned . [Full Review]

Reminds me of the time when I (age 11-yrs, or so) applied liquid HEET to my gentleman's area to see how it felt. 


James Hooker, Nipple Whisperer said...

I´ve been here a while now and I´ll have to admit you´ve posted some funny stuff, however, this is the first time I´ve shit myself before reading even half.

Anonymous said...

That is the funniest thing I have ever read, I was crying trying to read it to my wife.


Juice said...

Most awesome review evah.
...a gay snowman in the kitchen.
And the comments, oh boy.
Thanks Tom and Rodge! Way to start the day.

pdwalker said...

So he's saying it worked then?

(Dear God, heet to your knobbly bits? So how did it feell?)

vanderleun said...

I'm sold! Off to try it!

DougM said...

Yeah …
I'm not doin' that again!

Anonymous said...

If God had wanted ya to have a pretty ass and all He would have made ya a baboon. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Rog, I really needed that! As you may have already discovered the dark side of the force has been victorious and in serious need of vanquishing. Needless to say, I have been pretty glum of late. This was so funny that while I tried to read it to my wife I couldn't stop laughing and had to pause to recover!


Anonymous said...

Wife asks why I am rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off.

I read it to her.

She says "You think that's funny?"

Rodger the Real King of France said...

Maybe bcause women have been suffering through that drill since high school.

Anonymous said...

In Jr. High gym class, a couple of kids put a thin smear of Atomic Balm in another kid's jock strap. He left class during line-up and was found lying in the showers running a stream of cold water on his cluster.

Neither one of us ever told, until later that afternoon.

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