Sunday, February 10, 2013

How children perceive their Grandparents

"Grandma, I think you should try to figure
out some of these colors yourself!"

How children perceive their Grandparents......
Res Ipsa Loquitor

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

Res Ipsa Loquitor10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck.." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.



leelu said...

Thanks! I needed that.

Sadly, no grandkids. When my daughter was 5 or so, she was on the couch, watching TV while I made dinner. She had one foot tucked under the opposite leg. When I called her for dinner, she started to get up, but sat back down, with a frown. When I asked her what was wrong, she said "My foot's dizzy!"

Anonymous said...

A while back my daughter and I were at a restaurant. When the waitress brought my fish and chips dinner, she also brought some malt vinegar. Looking in the vinegar my daughter spotted some of the yeast floating around in it. When my daughter asked what it was, I told her it was the yeast. My daughter than exclaimed, "Daddy! Don't eat that! You'll get a yeast infection!"

Anonymous said...

My daughter gave my wife a sloppy toddler kiss. When she went to wipe off the excess, my daughter asked her what she was doing, my wife said, "I'm rubbing it in." She is ten and still rubs in kisses with a smile.


Alear said...

Rodg et al.,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Juice said...

smidsid,nice touch for a Sunday break from mayhem.
Thanks for posting Rodger, Is MoSup home today> ;)

JimO said...

My son and daughter-in-law design medical robots...we figure we will have grandkids when they build one.

Anonymous said...

I was busy at work when the four year old I often watched announced, "I want a norange."

I said, "Okay." and continued working only to get a repeat of the above a few seconds later. After a few rounds of that, I put my pencil down, turned to her and said, "If you want an orange, go out, get a job, earn some money and buy yourself an orange.

I could almost see the gears whirring in her head as she digested this bit of information. Then she brightened up and said, "I want a napple."

Rodger the Real King of France said...

One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Gramma came home.

My Grampa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Gramma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a gramma would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"


Anonymous said...

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take is 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time--pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

Not really, Papa, it was really boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, socialist left wing democrat, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

This just proves that grandmas do not see as well as grandpas.

Merrily-Merrily (via e-mail)

Rodger the Real King of France said...

JUICE- Yes MoSup got home Sat night. Unfortunately she immediately looked under the beds.

Juice said...

Under the beds. Where you were wise to put all the things from other areas of the house you had cleaned. Finding the evidence of your well intended efforts: genius.
(except for those dirty pots and pans.)

Rodger the Real King of France said...

sadly, the pots and pans too,

Juice said...

That grandpa was my dad. Always an educational ride with him.:)

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