Merely a Truffle

Truffle Trifles While I've decadently expense-account dined in some of the finest restaurants in the country, ordering the likes of Beef Wellington on a sub role (Italian bread),  I'm not sure whether I've actually ever had a dish containing actual real truffles.  I was given a bottle of truffle oil in the 90's,  and went nuts for it.  The smell was intoxicating, and like everybody else who bought some I put it on everything.  I also dabbed some behind my ears, under  armpits and genitals glistened with it. Since nobody I served my truffled food had truffle experience, they were (or acted) impressed when I told them about the special surprise in store for them.  I don't remember anyone actually commenting about how my stuff tasted with truffle oil—until MoSup suggested "enough with the truffle oil; it's rancid." Do you hear that sucking sound? That's the white truffle oil market going down the drain. What brings all this up is this.  I again again watched the Top Gear episode where Clarkson challenges May and Hammond to a cross-continent race (he driving the  Bugatti Veyron; they by plane) to deliver fresh truffles to a London eatery.  I clicked on Amazon, and they have nicely priced black and white truffle oils. I almost pulled the switch; but didn't.  I investigated. It seems final death blow to truffle oil was administered when Chef Gordon Ramsay called truffle oil the "one ingredient you should NOT have in your pantry."  Serious Eats says "Comparing truffle oil to real truffles is like comparing sniffing dirty underwear to having sex."  "What is that?" a "MasterChef" judge asked contestant as she doused her otherwise winning entry with the stuff. White truffle oil, Tracy chirped, clearly quite pleased with her dish and her finish and absolutely clueless as to what was unfolding.   "One of the most pungent, ridiculous ingredients ever known to chef," Ramsay said. "I can't believe you've just done that. I think you just put your apron up in flames."   It seems these oils have never met a truffle.  They're made from an organic compound called 2,4-Dithiapentane—derived either naturally or from a petroleum base—mixed together with olive oil. But I like the fragrance, and in small quantities, the taste, but do not want the stain on my honor that using this crap might bring.  However, further investigation revealed what appears to be the real deal. "... a black truffle oil concentrate; a lot of flavor a lot of aroma in a small quantity on superior olive oil. Tuber Melanosporum Vitt. is the black truffle that is used to flavor the olive oil. Use this condiment sparingly (a drop at a time) as it is highly aromatic and potent in flavor." I didn't buy it, but I fear that in a moment of weakness and self indulgence I will.  Then it'll  go into the spice drawer with the saffron and vanilla beans that I've never use, because there has never been an occasion important enough to waste them on.  That's just sick. I don't deserve to be a chef.  And what would Gordon Ramsey say (and yes I love Gordon Ramsey)?