Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Selfy Interests

We are a popular restaurant for both locals and tourists alike. Having been in business for many years, we noticed that although the number of customers we serve on a daily basis is almost the same today as it was 10 years ago, the service just seems super slow even though we added more staff and cut back on the menu items...

One of the most common complaints on review sites against us and many restaurants in the area is that the service was slow and/or they needed to wait a bit long for a table.

We decided to hire a firm to help us solve this mystery, and naturally the first thing they blamed it on was that the employees need more training and that maybe the kitchen staff is just not up to the task of serving that many customers.

Like most restaurants in NYC we have a surveillance system, and unlike today where it's a digital system, 10 years ago we still used special high capacity tapes to record all activity. At any given time we had 4 special Sony systems recording multiple cameras. We would store the footage for 90 days just in case we needed it for something.

The firm we hired suggested we locate some of the older tapes and analyze how the staff behaved 10 years ago versus how they behave now. We went down to our storage room but we couldn't find any tapes at all.

We did find the recording devices, and luckily for us, each device has 1 tape in it that we simply never removed when we upgraded to the new digital system!

The date stamp on the old footage was Thursday July 1, 2004.

14 out of 45 customers take pictures of each other with the food in front of them or as they are eating the food. This takes on average another 4 minutes as they must review and sometimes retake the photo.

The restaurant was very busy that day. We loaded up the footage on a large monitor, and next to it on a separate monitor loaded up the footage of Thursday July 3 2014, with roughly the same amount of customers as ten years before.

I will quickly outline the findings. We carefully looked at over 45 transactions in order to determine the data below:


Customers walk in.

They gets seated and are given menus, out of 45 customers 3 request to be seated elsewhere.

Customers on average spend 8 minutes before closing the menu to show they are ready to order.

Waiters shows up almost instantly takes the order.

Appetizers are fired within 6 minutes, obviously the more complex items take longer. (continued)

Tommy Lee Mann


Kauf Buch said...

The place needs a big sign:

Too *harsh*, huh?!

Anonymous said...

Bingo!! I sat at a long traffic light during rush hour yesterday, and took an informal survey while watching the cars crossing in front of me making a left turn. Eleven of fifteen women drivers had their hand and phone plastered to their face. One of seven men were on the phone during the same stream. Twice in months past, I've witnessed women on cell phones run right through that light and pile into cars that had the green.

Why is it women come out of the grocery store, get in their cars, then start talking as they pull out, often oblivious to their surroundings, instead of making the call, and then driving away after?

One day in the grocery store parking lot, I watched a soccer mom in her big black SUV light up the phone, pull out and drive right over a landscaped berm in the parking lot because she couldn't turn the wheel enough with one hand. I was hoping she'd get high centered, but she just cleared it. Tore up the shrubbery though.

Another time, at McDonalds, I watched a 16-17 year old girl try for several minutes to order, and then pay for her order while the line grew impatiently behind her. Problem - one, she had a sweater on with sleeves way too long that came down to the last knuckle on her fingers, which prevented her from using her fingers, and two, in her right hand, the whole time she was in line, ordering and trying to pay for her order, she clutched a goddam smart phone, which she kept glancing at while deciding what to order, ordering, then refused to put it down so she could use two hands to dig through her purse to count out the money.

I got fed up and asked her if she put the phone down for a moment, would she be out of balance and tip over? I treasured the dirty look she gave me.

I swear, I or some other pissed off person is going to lose it one day and walk over or run over the next airhead staring at a smart phone while walking obliviously across a busy parking lot.

I don't understand the compulsion to be tuned in to drivel and tuned out of reality.
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick

Leonard Jones said...

Better yet, ditch the WiFi and install cell phone
jammers in the restaurant. I love this classic video
from Texas:


If you want to be a narcissistic jack-hole, it
serves you right to have access to your social media cut off.

Nobody wants to know what you eat, what you do or how
many times you take a dump you self centered dork!

jon spencer said...

Saw this posted the other day.
When at a restaurant the diners put the phones face down on the table. The person that answers or picks up a phone either pays the check or the tip.

Jess said...

When I was a child, my mother would announce supper was ready. After that, she'd say: "Eat all you want, but I'm ready for you to be through 30 minutes ago."

The food was damn good, so it was gone within thirty minutes; the allotted time.

I think that will work. When customers walk in, announce you're ready for them to be through 30 minutes ago. If they're insulted, they won't come back, but if the food is good, who cares? You'll have enough customers to replace the social networking ass wipes that forget they're going to a restaurant to eat; not play with their toys.

MAX Redline said...

One day in the grocery store parking lot, I watched a soccer mom in her big black SUV light up the phone, pull out and drive right over a landscaped berm in the parking lot because she couldn't turn the wheel enough with one hand. I was hoping she'd get high centered, but she just cleared it. Tore up the shrubbery though.

I hear ya. A couple of years ago I had to take evasive action because an idiot bitch in an SUV was driving through the parking lot with - I kid you not - a ciggie and coffee in one hand and a phone in the other. She'd have plowed right into me and never even noticed.

I'm guessing she had the SUV on cruise-control....

Anonymous said...

Traveling on I95 or the Turnpike south in Miami you hit the gates of hell referred to as "The Golden Glades". This is where everyone that had just been doing 85 stops and starts answering emails. Dante's Inferno has nothing comparable. -Anymouse

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