Friday, September 19, 2014

Making Do

You know how when MoSup goes off on her class reunion, and I immediately, despite my most determined other-wising, revert to bachelorhoodity?  And when she calls and says she's reached Tappahannock on her way home, and I spring into a frenzy of cleaning, washing and picking up?  Well, she hasn't called from Tappahannock yet, but she will soon, and, holy mother of God, I bent over to tie my boots this morning and snap!  I threw my back out in a major way.  Srsly, while I am sitting in my computer chair right now, even moving to engage the Caps Lock key sends a jolt through me. 

Most people in this state would be screaming out an open window, "Help, I've fallen and can't get up," but I am a warrior and will not!.  Instead, I will spend this time setting the scene so that when she does get home, I will receive her approbation for suffering through instead of her  going into a sullen silence while she bangs loudly about in the kitchen, clanging dishes (and my good knives) and thrown into the dishwasher; and then storming into the den picking up strewn socks and underpants;  and without asking "can I run the vacuum cleaner?,"  fires up the old Hoover that sounds like a jet engine and, one which pitch causes me excruciating pain, which she knows is an audio form of water boarding for me.  You know how that is?

But no.  When she arrives home, she will find me laying on the floor, with a six day growth of beard, a broom in my hand and dust pan not far away.  A scene not unlike the Marine who covered for his platoon and was later found with a .45  clutched in his hand, empty, with 8 Japanese troops, dead – three of them with bullet-holes in the middle of their forehead.  And I will have peach pie served to me, and a back rub.

I am not making this up.


bocopro said...

Developed serious, I mean chronic and painful, problem in my lower back about 6 years ago. Came and went, and surprisingly the thing that best ameliorated it was riding my bicycle for about 20 minutes.

But getting up after being down on the floor with the dogs, or cleaning under the fridge, or pulling weeds around the paving stones, was usually a new adventure in discomfort.

Hard to find a comfortable position . . . finally found this tough little pillow shaped like a log that I could put in my computer chair up against my back -- helped measurably. But still, getting OUT of the chair was a chore.

Anyway, about 6 or 7 months ago, it suddenly cleared up. One day I realized that I could get down on the deck to play with the dogs and then get up without any pain. Great!

Then about 3 months ago, my starboard hip assumed the watch and now pains like a sumbitch. Like the lumbar and sacrum vertebrae went on leave and the ol' ball & socket took the conn.

Tried glucosamine/chondroitin tablets without much relief. Did some research and found that the #1 and 2 culprits for exacerbating osteoarthritis are tomato and gluten. Well, JHC . . . how the hell do you avoid those and still EAT, facrissakes!

Guess it's 74 years of abusing the ol' bod, football, baseball, 4-hour watches on steel decks on ships rolling and pitching.

Life's a bitch, and then you die, and in the meantime, gettin old ain't for sissies.

O.K. Cliche festival over.

pdwalker said...

... does the wife know about your blog?

quick! claim the post was written by your enemies from the government in an attempt to sully your good name!

Rodger the Real King of France said...

Yes, and she eschews it, saying it's a bit too "boy's clubby" for her taste. That means she objects to my occasional off-color presentments.

Rodger the Real King of France said...

By the by, boco, I am now on my way out to try your bike cure. Since there's no way I can swing my leg over my bile, I will use MoSup's girl Schwinn. Report, anaon.

bocopro said...

The virtually instantaneous disappearance of the lumbar pain made me suspect a pinched or crimped nerve, or perhaps a slightly slipped disk.

Whatever the case, the gentle rotating motion of the pedaling, which in turn rotated the pelvis, apparently allowed either the nerve or the disk to get back into proper orientation.

Therapeutic value lasted about an hour, sometimes longer, and once in a while for the rest of the day, given that I didn't pull a real stupid or have to make a sudden jerking motion of the torso. Might not work for everyone.

Wife wants me to go cortisone injection for the arthritic hip problem, but I've heard that the first shot works for around 90 days, the second one for around half that, and the third one for about a week or so . . . after which the shots become ineffective.

Joint-replacement surgery is not open for discussion . . . despite her urging -- at least not yet.

Rodger the Real King of France said...

I suggest a chiropractic treatment before anything. The bike ride did seem to realign some stuff, and allowed me to go get a haircut. We'll see.

Gerry N. said...

I had both knees replaced about 8 years apart, the right one when I was 55, the left wheh I was 63. My only regrets are two: I didn't follow the Physical Terrorist's instructions on knee the first, and that I didn't get them replaced ten years earlier.

My lower back is happily trending soutward as I write, pain is as bad as bone on bone arthritis was in my knees fifteen years ago, the sawbones says it's sciatica, so it's back to the Physical Terrorist again.

I figured out why so many Physical Terrorists are cute young women. A man, a real man anyway, will simply not deck a pretty girl with a quick right hook only because she just caused him some very serious pain, it just isn't seemly.

molonlabe28 said...

I work on the other end of the state quit a bit and, when my wife makes her way over there for a while, I have to spend half a day cleaning up the house.

Otherwise, it would look like we had been sacked by vandals and looted by gypsies.

Sorry about your back.

bocopro said...

"why so many Physical Terrorists are cute young women"

Hate going to see doctors, and will use any excuse to avoid hospitalization.

But some years back I had what I thought was frozen shoulder (turned out to be impingement, which can be even worse if not treated properly).

Finally acquiesced to therapy 3 times a week at a "Wellness Center" run by the Navy Hospital here.

Therapist was a drop-dead gorgeous Latina with long, wavy, brown hair, doe eyes, sweet breath, and a scent that was in the upper red-mark range of aphrodisiacal. Maybe 35, tops, with about a 25-inch waist and 37-inch rack.

I was around 65 at the time, and I gotta agree with you . . .. she coulda ripped my goddam arm outta the socket and I woulda smiled and sighed for her.

She was married to an enormous Gunny, one of those man-and-a-half types about the size of Shaq with arms like a young Scwharzenegger.

The doc had offered me surgery (scrape the bone ends), which he said would fix the problem but never allow me complete recoup of arm strength or range of motion; cortisone shots, which would diminish in effectiveness over the course of about a year; total immobilization of the joint for about 4 months; or 3 months of rehabilitative therapy.

From the first day that woman took off my shirt and put that transdermal stimulator on my skin, I realized that I had made the right choice. Did she give me pain? Oh, yeah! But sometimes ya gotta pay for those little moments of bliss when the mind recollects in tranquility the warmth, the touch, the scent, the smile, the fantasies.

Tom Mann said...

Bike ride? Did someone say bike ride?

Anonymous said...

Years ago, I bent over to pick something up and there was an audible (to me anyway) pop. I was in pain and I could not straighten up. Foolishly, I forced myself slowly to straighten only to find myself in even more pain and unable to bend. My back doctor told me I had a disk hernia and banned me from all physical activity. Then my heart doctor told me that if I didn't stay active I would die. She recommended I get a HealthRider (tm). I did and the back stabilized and I never had surgery.

Anonymous said...

IF she reads this you are a goner.

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