Friday, March 27, 2015


      I GET MAIL

"Look, people . . . you can't vote against me just because I'm not pretty any more, or because I've never accomplished anything positive in my entire life (including my marriage and my only child), or because I make stupid decisions under pressure, or because I talk like a career second-class VietNam era WestPac Bosun's Mate on liberty in Olongapo.

I'm telling you it's MY FUCKING TURN, you assholes, so fucking knock off the horseshit and fucking elect me, goddamit, you stupid motherfuckers, or you'll fucking regret it."

HRC (Denny Wilson)

Y'all ain't gonna b'lieve this . . . until you think about it foraminnit, and then it'll lock into place as SOP taught in Lib Logic 101:

Cuzzin Ricky
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:
  • 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
  • 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  • 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
  • answer the door in your nightgown.
  • 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  • 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
  • 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
  • over by a steamroller.
  • 10 Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  • 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  • 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
  • 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
  • 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
  • 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up
  • onto the roof and gets stuck there.
  • 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
  • men
There's more, but my attention span is only that long.  More later.  Thank you everyone.


Thomas M. said...

I was never much of a George Carlin fan, but I wonder what he would have thought of hillary's eleven banned words after what he did with the 7 words you can't say on tv.

Anonymous said...

Most of those "definitions" appeared in the New York Magazine Competition eons ago!

'Anybody remember Pericles Crystal?

Ann Hedonia & Sam Paku

Post a Comment

Just type your name and post as anonymous if you don't have a Blogger profile.