Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Chipotles Pigs and Football


Yup, they photoshopped Ben Skowronek, a 3-star wide receiver from Fort eryone likes Chipotle, but young people like it even more than they like neon tank tops and cell phone apps that only do one thing each. Every other restaurant wants to be like Chipotle because of this.

Chipotle has set up shop near just about every college campus because campuses have lots of young people, in my opinion. Colleges can brag about this because colleges are also in the business of marketing to young people.

And nobody's more in the business of marketing to young people than college football teams are. How long will it be until a college football team tries to woo a recruit based on how near its campus is to a Chipotle? Yeah, that's already happened.

Since Chipotle proximity is now a competitive factor for football programs (shhhh, of course it is), it's time to rank all of FBS, based on's listings and Google Maps. All 128 teams and the in-limbo UAB are included, and you can type your conference's name to narrow the list.

We have a Chipotle nearby; it's where we go most when we want fast food that's not pizza.  Last week we stopped in for some taco salad.  A sign on the front door warned "SORRY, NO CARNITAS."  I always just ask for pork, so I sort of assumed carnita was Messican for excluding people not wearing a shirt. Once inside another sign cleared that up.
No Carnitas
"We are presently unable to find a source for responsibly raised pork."

* responsibly raised pork?*

All the images flashing through your mind right now about piglets in diapers? .. I see them.  And the  three legged pig joke too.
  And, somewhere,  there arehave to beresponsibly pampered avocados being raised; how else explain Chipotle's $2.50 charge for a dollop of guacamole on your carnita?


Skoonj said...

Don't bother carrying your concealed pistol in a Chipotle. They don't like that.

Esteve said...

I'm sure that how well it was treated in it's short life is the last thing that goes through every hog's mind just before it is humanely slaughtered.

Anonymous said...

Its a tribute to our success and prosperity that we have the luxury of giving a damn about how our food is raised.

Stu Tarlowe said...

First of all, Skoonj, if it's concealed, then WTF difference does it make what they "like"?

And are we sure that Chipotle's temporary dearth of pork is really temporary and motivated by their PETA-ish concerns for the little piggies, or is it a stealth way of accommodating our Muslim brethren and their dietary laws (which they feel should be imposed on everyone)?

Remember, the main difference between a Jew and Moslem is that a Jew walks by a store selling pork and says, "None for me, Thanks"; a Moslem says, "You should not be permitted to sell that. In fact, you should have your head cut off for selling it!"

Skoonj said...

Stu, the difference is that if they don't like it, I don't enter.

Stu Tarlowe said...

I understand completely, and I don't blame you. If you are at odds with their politics, why give them your business? However, if you greatly inconvenience yourself in the process, you are punishing yourself also. If, say, it's a drugstore and you need medicine, you don't drive to a more-distant store just to make a point.

Skoonj said...

Oh. Well then. Maybe I shouldn't have just sent my credit union such a nasty-gram.

Anonymous said...

To Stu Tarlowe:

I disagree. When I was young I read a book called "The Rhinemann Exchange". It left me with a very good understanding of why you shouldn't sell Diamonds to Nazis. The same concept applies with varying degrees to modern day Nazis too.

Tom Smith said...

"organic", "responsibly sourced", "sustainable" are terms all used by weirdo food nazis. Usually means nothing and is subjective. Chipotle is the answer to sustainable bowel problems and not the best food but probably in line with most restaurant vittles in other places.

Kim du Toit said...

What is "Chipotle"? I thought it was the name of a sauce.

Skoonj said...

Is The Rhinemann Exchange anything like Marathon Man? Is it safe?

Skoonj said...

My credit union responded to my suggestion they get rid of their no forearms policy. It's an answer only their lawyer could love:

First, thank you for your suggestion. The firearms issue is certainly sensitive and complex.

In our view, we are obligated from a safety and security perspective to ask members and visitors not to bring weapons onto our premises. We have no means to effectively determine who is properly licensed to carry concealed weapons, so making that exception is not possible.

Our most likely scenario is an armed which case our priority is to comply with the perpetrator's demands and get him/her out of the branch as quickly as possible without incident. In our view, some sort of "shoot out" in the branch would be a terrible scenario.

We also do not want to base our policy on a single, extremely rare, horrific incident.

Stu Tarlowe said...

Skoonj: First of all, do they really have a "no forearms policy"??

Seriously, though, they ask members and visitors and visitors not to bring in weapons because they have no way to distinguish legally-armed citizens from criminals. But they clearly expect criminals to obey the restrictions. They also expect the criminals to react rationally in an armed robbery situation, and just take the money and run. That'd be a wise policy, if criminals could be counted on to behave rationally.

Unfortunately, such a policy not only leaves them helpless before irrational criminals, it serves notice to potential robbers that no resistance will be be offered. That's not just a lack of deterrence, it's encouragement! Read my WND piece, "They Should Have Declared a Tornado-Free Zone", wherein I make the case that tornado-free zones make more sense than gun-free zones because they don't attract tornadoes!

If I ran the credit union, I'd have signs saying "Criminals Beware: These premises are frequented by on- and off-duty law enforcement personnel as well as legally-armed citizens.

I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

Anonymous said...

Kim, are you serious? A chipotle is a smoked jalapeño.

Caballero Andante

Anonymous said...

Politics and PETA aside, Chipotle 's food is bland and way over priced. If you don't want the rice, they don't give you more beans to make up for it. They just give you less total food. Besides, last I heard they are owned by McDonalds.

Former Lurker said...

How do you smoke a jalapeno?

Stu Tarlowe said...

Former Lurker, you smoke 'em like you'd smoke anything, low and slow. Some folks smoke jalapeños overnight, but like a lot of BBQ smoking, the main benefit is obtained within 4 hrs. and all the bragging about how long people smoke is mostly hype.

But do clean your smoker first; if you've been smoking ribs etc. the residual oils and residue will make your peppers bitter.

Start with about 2 hrs. at 180º or so and go longer according to your judgment and preference. Just as you can smoke ribs for a few hours and then finish 'em in the oven, some folks like to finish their smoked peppers in a dehydrator, especially if you want them really dry and crumbly for seasoning.

"Former Pitmaster"

Post a Comment

Just type your name and post as anonymous if you don't have a Blogger profile.