Tuesday, June 02, 2015

New Beginnings


Lately, people at the liquor store have been saying (churlishly),  "Say Rodge!  Are you doing a Blog or what?"  I say yes, why?  They say, "because you'd never know it. " I say, that's because I noticed that the really good condimentrists, like Ann Coulter, only do one column a week; but that column is always special.  The topics are timely, the satire delicious, and facts are aways at least 99% factual; and I agree with everything because it makes sense!"  So they say, "Okay, so where's your weekly column?"

Good point.  Here it  is.

Lately I've had a good deal of problem dealing with these people.  The people who are in the news.  All of them.  All the Democrats and most of the Republicans are skunks and liars. They should all be shot.  And not just them.  If I was the leader I'd go into every prison and if an inmate had a gang tattoo I'd have them shot because gang tats are only "worn" by people who've killed someone; so they're guilty. And I'd shoot everyone in the media too, except for some.  I mean it.

And from now on colleges will only be able to field teams which members are from their state.  The facts are there to support me.

And what's this where we are plagued by endless special interest groups that subscribe to one cockamamie idea or another?  These people, who are freaks, and who in olden times were just ignored, or openly ridiculed or shot.   Now, if you criticize them, you're the bad guy.  Screw them .  The facts will support me in this.

I didn't mention the guy in the White House  because it makes me ill to think about him being there.  He's a liar and a crook and I'd arrest him.  And I'd fire Mike Krusheschkee the Duke coach for being a liar and a cheat. 

All girls would have to produce an intact hymen before they are  allowed to register to vote. No more screwing around; it's how out founding fathers wanted it. We need to get back to basics.

The NRA will be in charge of gun laws since they at least know how to handle firearms; like our founding fathers.

Muslims are allowed but only if they promise to convert to Christianity; all the rest will be deported. And drones are illegal.  Flat tax of 11%.  IRS abolished.  Okay.

This is not satire.  I mean it.

 More next week. Donate.


Unknown said...

Hmmm…Muslims would have to convert to Christianity??
Would you require the same of Jews, Jains, Sikhs, Buddhists, Hindus etc.?

The NRA in charge of gun laws? I don't think so. The NRA is way too liberal for me. Every time they send a questionnaire (actually a plea for more money) and ask my reasons for owning guns, they list home protection, hunting, target practice, shooting sports and collecting. The reason that "it is my duty and responsibility as an American citizen to own, keep, and be competent with firearms" is conspicuous in its absence.

That whole "intact hymen" thing: Since when is that your business, or anyone else's? But I'd be fine with voting limited to those who own property or work for a living.

And if we're eliminating people, how 'bout those who have never learned that it's "If I were the leader", not "If I was the leader". If I were the leader, we'd scuttle all that "Heather has 2 Mommies" crap and go back to teaching English, not to mention History and everything else that apparently is not being taught anymore.

Anonymous said...

Had to do a double-take on the 'intact hymens' bit. On my first read, I saw it as "it's how our fondling fathers wanted it"


Anonymous said...

Be warned Tarlowe. Those who deconstruct humor will be hanged.


Thomas M. said...

Hear here Rodge. The actions of those who have been elected of both parties as well as the grand solons in appointed and professional positions in government are so alien that it makes the news almost impossible to tolerate. There are days that I can barely even make it through The Rush Limbaugh Show.

Somehow I feel obliged to keep myself informed, but I’m not sure why. I know what needs doing and I do what I can to at least keep the process honest. I’ve pretty much given up trying to persuade my contemporaries of the folly of their ways. At this point it’s kind of like trying to make a scotch drinker out of a bourbon man. But still I try when I encounter an open mind.

It’s 17 months until the next election and another 2 ½ months before we have a new president. I can only pray that it will be someone who will reverse this perversion of democracy. If I were permitted one fantasy, if that person were me I know what my first act as president would be. I’d issue Executive Order One. It would reverse every executive order of the last eight years.

Anonymous said...

I knew this was coming and donated preemptively about a week ago :-p

Anonymous said...


Good one, Rodgie.

Sir H the Comet

pkerot said...

Tarlowe, Muslims are the only religion dedicated to killing Americans. Religious freedom is ok until we allow muslims to live here, outbreed, and outnumber us and behead us. NO MUSLIMS ALLOWED in America

Juice said...

Yep. One hundred percent. I am here because yesterday I was thinking (again!) about how much I despise liberals and remembered your blog motto about all democrats being liars, etc. With all that is happening in this world how can our "news" media spend so much time regurgitating the same minutia to the utter distraction of what needs to be focused upon? Our country is being undermined and destroyed, one executive order after the next. The emperor is truly naked and smells like ass, while the Constitution is deteriorating in the absence of resolute courage. fkrs

Anonymous said...

Only voters who pay more in taxes than they receive from the government can vote. (Coulter)
Everyone in government must have at one time worked in a private business.
No lawyers in Congress unless they have owned a business (not a law practice), or have served in the military.
No laws more than one page long.
Women can only vote if they are married (to a man).
If a President or Congressmen leaves government richer than when they went in, they should be imprisoned for the length of time they have served in office.

All about as likely as Roger's "not a satire".


Anonymous said...

Rodge, this is why I love you and have been a daily visitor to your site(s) for at least 12 years that I can recollect.

Some might read that and then see your picture in the post and think there is some disconnect....not me, I swear we share a consciousness sometimes. I don't think I've ever not agreed 100% with anything you've said and the way you've said it. Thanks for helping keep this lurker sane.


Rodger the Real King of France said...

*shucks* I just want to be loved

Tom Smith said...

Worth the wait. Will drop a few in the brandy glass...........keep playing sir.

DougM said...

One quibble:
The only FAIR tax is where everyone pays the same AMOUNT, not the same rate. Everything other than that is redistribution.
And, no, I don't ever expect to be elected to anything.
Sentenced, maybe.

David said...

Any law that is determined by the supreme court to be unconstitutional - every congressman and senator who voted for that law and the president who signed it, are removed from office for violating their oath of office.

Anonymous said...

What Juice said... and more grave yards, fewer prisons...Rodger, hang tuff!

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