Wednesday, September 14, 2016

A time traveler

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” 

 A time traveler walks into a bar.

16 comments:

jlw said...

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"

"Sure do," replied the bartender.

"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator."

toadold said...

Don't go into there without a duck.
He went in anyway and hit his head on the low bar.

Helly said...

DeLorean driver clocked by police at 88mph insists 'I wasn't trying to time travel'. Oh yes.

Anonymous said...

A termite walked into a bar and asked 'Is the bar tender here?'
Tim

Anonymous said...

Helly- "Great Scot!"

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
A Time Traveler
A Time Traveler who?
Knock, Knock

What do we want?
Time travel
When do we want it?
That's irrelevant!

Luigi

Anonymous said...

A woman walks into a bar carrying a duck. The bartender says "That is one ugly pig you got there." The lady says "That's not a pig - its a duck." Then the bartender says "I know, I was talking to the duck."

Ralph Gizzip said...

Hellen Keller walks into a bar.

... and a table,

... and a stool,

...

Anonymous said...

Have you ever smoked a Cuban?
Sure. Back in '76, in Angola, we smoked a bunch of 'em!

Caballero Andante

Rodger the Real King of France said...

Hellen Keller ... Cuban ... u guys are cracking me up! What a country.

Murphy(AZ) said...

It has been a lifetime (high school in the '60's,)since I heard Hellen Keller jokes, or Pollack jokes, or Irish, or lawyer or any ethnic, employment or socially-oriented humor.

Political Correctness has made for a very humorless world.

Rodger the Real King of France said...

Hey, don't play the game. I don't. People who know me know that I'm not "racist" nor bigot. Who else matters?

By the by;
How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.

Anonymous said...

Whaddya get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?
I don't know what you call it, but you oughta see the sonofabitch pick lettuce!

And, for Spanish speakers:
¿Sabe por que los cholos prefieren los volantes muy pequeños en sus coches?
¡Por que lo hace mas fácil para manejar en esposas!

Caballero Andante

Stu Tarlowe said...

Well, for German speakers (or certain German car enthusiasts) there's this (which I think has been told here before):

A Kraut approaches a hooker.
"I vant to buy zex mit you"
"OK" says the girl, "I get $50 an hour".
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky".
"No problem", she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky". So they go to his room, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck call. He fastens a spring to each of her hands and feet.
"Now you vil get on your hans und knees".
She complies, balancing on the springs.
"Now you vill please blow zis duck call as I make love to you."
She finds this odd, but figures its harmless, and the guy is paying. The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck call.
Afterwards she says,
"That was totally amazing, what do you call that?"
"Ah", says the German, "Das ist der 'Four-sprung duck technique'!"
[https://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/sep/18/vorsprung-durch-technik-advertising-germany]

Anonymous said...

Here's one from back in the Afro hairstyle days:

How do you get a Negro off of a trampoline?
Put Velcro™ on the ceiling.
How do you get the Negro off of the ceiling?
Invite over 15 Mexicans and tell them it's a piñata!

Anonymous said...

Why did Hellen Keller only use one hand to .... ah .... play with herself? She needed the other one to moan with. I know, I almost hate myself.
Tim

pdwalker said...

You guys are the best, you bunch of racists you!

Why did God give the

Because he hates them.

Why did he make them smell?

So blind people could hate them too.

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