Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Missing You

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new 2016 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package  with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Ron "I Metzger in St Louis"


pdwalker said...

am i a bad person because i laughed out loud at the punch line?

Unknown said...

A farmer goes to a lawyer's office in the city and tells him "I need t'get me one o' them thar dee-vorces."
The lawyer says, "Do you have grounds?"
The farmer says, "You betcha! I got 140 acres, planted in corn."
The lawyer says, "No, no, I mean do you have a case?"
The farmer says, "I used to have a Case, but I traded it for a John Deere."
The lawyer says, "OK, never mind that. Tell me about your wife and why you want a divorce. Is she a little nagger?"
The farmer says, "No, she's a white woman almost six feet tall!"

DougM said...

I just got a nice pickup truck for my wife.
Yeah, best trade I ever made.

(fifth-oldest joke I can remember)

DonM said...

Hey Stu

Lawyer says "Is she a little Nagger?
Farmer says "No, but the third child is and that's why I want the Dee-Vorce."

Skoonj said...

DougM, that's similar to an old joke I heard about baseball.

Coach Frank Crosetti was in the tunnel from the club house to the Yankee dugout. Manager Casey Stengel happened on him, and saw Crosetti was carrying a glove.

"Watcha got there, Frank?"
"I've got a new catcher's mitt for Berra."
"Hmmm. Good trade."

Jon Spencer said...

My favorite one of this genre is:
President Clinton is descending from Air Force One. The Marine at the bottom of the stairs notices that he has a pig on a leash. "Nice pig, sir, " the Marine says. "That ain't just no pig, boy. That's a genuine Arkansas Razorback!" "Yes, sir," the Marine replies. "Yep," says the president, "I got it for Hillary........

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