Illegal Suicide Mexicans get instructions in foreign language

ORANGE (or is it Red?) ALERT!

As soon as Fox and Friends came on this morning, and I heard Julian Phillip's wretched voice, I quickly moved channels.  A very suspicious program - where all the instructions were in Spanish - caught my attention.  ''Why is this program being shown in Maryland, where we don't have any Mexicans (except for Sean Ryder's yard boy)?''  Still, I wouldn't pay attention, but after reading how HAMAS is sneaking terrorists over the Mexican border, I watched.  I don't speak Spanish,  but it's pretty obvious what the hell is going on here.  This is exactly how al-Qaeda sends instructions to their operatives - via newspaper personal ads, and trigger phrases on the Sundance Channel.  So, thanks to our nincompoop government, we have 10 million illegal Mexican suicide bombers about to be unleashed.  See for yourself, then call the FBI.

Measure waist for suicide belt. (notice the foreign so-called metric ruler).

Go into rich employer's bathroom - that's bigger than the house your mother raised 12 kids in - and snap on belt.

''Our bomb packs are designed to be inconspicuous.''

Handy detonator options - timed, or manual - you choose.

Bomber belts for senoritas.

Notice the phony name ''Michele Jakus.''  Obviously an attempt to put us off guard by using names familiar to Americans, but they couldn't even get that right. Plus,  they don't know Michael Jackson is a man ... wait.  Okay, bad example.

Here the instructions are to don the bomber belt just prior to serving coffee to your filthy puta employer, who watches television in bed. ...

... or set the belt to go off just when hotel patrons are wondering where the hell their room service is ...

UPDATE:

Never mind