Dear Infidel Crusader Zionist sock-puppet Saudi-lackey despoiler of
Mesopotamia woman-touching pigdog fiendish (293 words excised)
shah-licking son of a toad's offal: I trust this finds you well. I have
much on my mind, and have taken the pen to unburden my breast. I have
enclosed a self-addressed, stamped envelope should you wish to reply.
(429 words concerning Jewish penetration of the Postal System excised)
.
. . Do you not realize you are beaten, as a donkey is beaten but
knoweth not his donkeyhood is cursed? Your comics have turned against
you in your own lair, and mock you without mercy. We have seen the
videos of the Meal of the Correspondents, and we know how your left
regards the men of the laugh as prophets and seers. <snip>
. . . Our people glow with
pride over our nuclear efforts, sometimes literally. I repeat that the
enrichment is for peaceful purposes only, and we seek only peace, and
peace is our goal, and there is nothing we love more than peace. Except
death. Sorry; forgot. Death is definitely number one. In third place of
things we love, well, there were those nice ice-cream desserts they had
at this little place in Tehran. When I was mayor I had them brought in
on Fridays. Good times, good times. But once I found a hair.
(2,356 words excised concerning Jewish penetration of the Iranian Dessert-Industrial complex)
.<snip>
.
. . Seriously, when I came to the U.N. and you didn't even send a fruit
basket, it hurt. Did you not see how well I was received? Did you not
see the light of God that surrounded me when I spoke, how no one
blinked as I related our message, how doves came out of my mouth and
the pants of all were filled with flowers? And you seek to confound my
work to bring back the Messiah and bring the world once more into the
arms of Islam? Including all penguins?
What are you, nuts?
Sincerely and Death to America,
Mahmoud,
descendant of Xerxes, 34th degree Mason, personal valet of the hidden
Imam, and not just a member of the Hair Club for Men — I'm also the
president! FULL TEXT - ALMOST
