jokes

Stuffing

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. H. W. Westermayer On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. William Jennings Bryan I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. Arnold Schwarzenegger Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. Kevin James Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. Russell Baker Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. Mike Connolly My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. Rita Rudner I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. [which they in turn stole from the squirrels] Jon Stewart