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-It is NOT a felony to vote Republican in San Francisco, although it
is a misdemeanor to register with the knowing intent of voting for a
Republican at a future date.
-A special permit is NOT required to fly Old Glory--except on Cinco de Mayo and Fidel Castro’s birthday.
-Speaking English is NOT a hate crime, except at fast-food
restaurants, car washes, emergency rooms, and when speaking to
Hispanics obviously here illegally.
-Displaying the logo of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, or
Marines does NOT violate city ordinances, unless one does so with an
arrogant, “America First,” G.W. Bush-type of attitude.
-Attending a Christian church does NOT automatically subject one to
higher property taxes: There is an appeals process available.
-Law enforcement job applicants are NOT required to prove that they
are transvestite, gay, handicapped or a racial minority to qualify.
-Refusing to smoke marijuana when ordered to by an uniformed police
officer is NOT a felony, except for anyone foolish enough to sport a
“Bush-Cheney” bumper sticker.
-Working at Wal-Mart is NOT against city law, provided one can prove he or she is an illegal alien from Mexico.
-Abortions are NOT available on those fabulous cable cars, but may
be arranged at most self-serve gas stations and progressive piano bars.
-Young Middle Eastern males who speak Arabic are NOT a protected
minority until they have first been arrested and charged with a
terrorist act(s).
-Being a straight, white, employed Christian male does NOT require
one to notify the police before moving into a new neighborhood, or to
be listed on a government web site.
-Securing a driver’s license does NOT automatically enroll one as a dues-paying member of the ACLU, and
-Convicted sex offenders moving into San Francisco are NOT
automatically registered to vote as Democrats: They have 30 days in
which to join the party and register.
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