The duel

After Chafee calls me a son-of-a-bitch

I would be an excellent pistol duelist for two reasons. 1) I'm schooled in the discipline of Bullseye pistol shooting, which is single handed, timed fire.  2) My opponent would probably have something to live for, a condition known to cause shaking hands.   If you check most state constitutions you'll find the penalty for dueling is loss of the franchise.  Who wants to vote in Rhode Island anyway?  I think this a sport with a future. My first challenge would be to Lincoln Chafee.  After he sided with Democrats yesterday in not allowing John Bolton's U.N. tenure to be voted on,  it's the least I can do.  Of course I'd have to plan carefully since it's the challenged person who chooses weapons.  I don't fancy myself very swift with the saber, or any other pointy things, but then I can't imagine that Chafee is good at anything. My plans would therefore begin with making him dishonor me. It ought to be easy.  I'd simply walk up to him and say "I'm glad you're no longer a Senator, sir," which would certainly cause him to call me a son-of-a-bitch.  With mom's honor at stake I would have no choice but to call him out by slapping his face. I'm confident his lack of dueling etiquette knowledge would win out here, and I'd be able to demand "It will be pistols in the morning, sir."  In most cases I'd shoot, not to kill, but to sever the vocal cord, a condition that makes politicking next to impossible.  Can you imagine Bill Clinton's  hand signer doing  "I did not have sex ... .?" Anyway, with Chafee I will  aim for the spot right above his nose, and between his eyes  After he's been dispatched, I'll work my way through every congressional democrat in the same manner. I feel so much better just thinking about it.  Oh crap.  I just remembered, the duelist code forbids calling women out.  Unless you're a woman?  Yes,that's it.  After I've done all male democrats,  I have the sex change operation.  Is this a great country, or what?