Sunday, December 17, 2006

Woof-woof, neigh-neigh, owwy-owwy

A time for festivity
Reagan the Wonder Dog gives a Christmas woof.
I held interviews today for the "Q" part of the forthcoming "D&Q" fest. We'll be using the Harold the Great Oaf discipline here, which calls for:
  1. Hanging the condemned until the kicking and twitching nearly stops
  2. After reviving the condemned, the belly is slit and entrails pulled out, taking care not to damage the heart or lungs.
  3. The entrails are fed to dogs (Reagan loves this part).
  4. The condemned is tied at four points to sturdy draft horses, and pulled into quarters.
  5. Jesters will attempt to make the condemned laugh before the beheading.
Came to an agreement with this chap, and as soon as his holiday schedule is complete we can begin doling out proper justice.  I've already got nearly 12,000 on my list.  Carter first.
12/17/2006 06:49:00 PM 7 Comments

"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. "
Argus Hamilton


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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy Moly Rodg, I'm not sure if that's good enough or bad enough. It certainly will be enough, though.

Except for that 12,000 part. You sure you didn't slip a decimal?

12/17/06, 7:15 PM
Anonymous said...

Rodger, I don't know you personally, but I love you as a fellow Christian and patriot (in the truest form as our forefathers intended). Before we enforce lawful, and justified punishment upon the enemies within...let us not forget to pray for their souls.
God Bless, and I love your banner update! :)) Juice

12/17/06, 7:18 PM
Anonymous said...

Hmmm... aren't hot coals involved somewhere in the process? Maybe to protect Reagan we should put the entrails on hot coals first-- we don't want him picking up some kind of parasite.

You should see the fire I've got going...

TFV

12/17/06, 8:12 PM
El Jefe said...

Guess I'm out of the running as I'd draw and quarter them FIRST.

12/17/06, 9:26 PM
Anonymous said...

Damn Rodger,
I'm tired of reading stuff on your site and trying to figure where you are comming from. Can you please be clear about your plans? Gotta go, shitter's full and the dog's yackin' on a bone.
Tim

12/17/06, 9:32 PM
Rodger the Real King of France said...

Cooking the awful offal before feeding the dogs is not recognized under ''Harold the Great Oaf'' rules of drawing and quartering, but Theresa is right, this is my dog's health we're concerned with, so charring is ordered.

12/18/06, 8:15 AM
Kim du Toit said...

That HDQ stuff is SOOO Krool & Hartless.

Try this little bit of early Americana:

"One prisoner of the French and Indians in New York had his legs broiled by French and Indian soldiers, had gunpowder poured into a furrow cut in his back and lit, and was then scalped and hot coals put on his skull. Finally, the prisoner was chased by soldiers and his head crushed with rocks."

Whenever I read that, I think of Ted Kennedy, for some reason... but I can be persuaded to substitute others.

12/20/06, 11:22 AM

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