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"I want some repairs done to my
cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father
hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back
passage."
"Their 18 year old son is
continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are
missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the
other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked,
where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink
which is coming away from the wall."
"Will you please send someone to
mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is
pregnant."
"I request your permission to remove
my drawers in the kitchen."
"Can you please tell me when the
repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
"I am still having trouble with
smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot
bath the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send a man to look
at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half
and now it is in three pieces."
"Would you please send a man to
repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight
away."
"I want to complain about the farmer
across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too
much."
"The man next door has a large
erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have
two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to
do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a
downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise
made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with clean tools
to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works
down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September
and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."
"This is to let you know that our
lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."
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