As a teacher I mark 1000s of exam papers every year, generally this
is pretty boring but it can be enlivened by spelling errors and other
daft ideas.
These are actual answers to exams taken by 15 - 16 year olds. The source of many of these was I believe Richard Federer St Paul's School
*
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies
and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and
travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
*
The Greeks were a highly sculptured
people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
myths. A myth is a female moth
*
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
*
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who
went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from
an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
decline.
*
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
*
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on
the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they
thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee,
Brutus."
*
Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was
canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man
should be hanged twice for the same offence.
* In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems
and verses and also wrote literature.
* Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
* It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important
invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking
*
Beethoven wrote music even though he was
deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the
forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in
1827 and later died of this.
*
During the Renaissance, history began.
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America
whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the
Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
*
The sun never set on the British Empire
because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
*
My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from one sentence.
“ Jesus, Please Help Me.”
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