Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello: Carter's Speakers Bueau Bio

Friday, May 18, 2007

Carter's Speakers Bueau Bio

I Am Speechless

“

Regarded as one of the most influential statesmen of our time, Jimmy Carter aspired to create a government of competence and compassion as the 39th American president. Successful in the Camp David Accords, the Panama Canal treaties, and SALT II treaty with the Soviet Union, he may be most notable for his admirable humanitarian efforts following his presidency. In 2002, Carter received the Nobel Peace Prize for his decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts
Send my ruv to Maddy , to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development.

With his pleasant and earnest demeanor, Jimmy Carter delivers insight on current national and foreign affairs. He addresses the essential need for peaceful solutions to worldwide global conflicts.

”

Steve

Rodger the Real King of France 5/18/2007 07:06:00 PM 13 Comments

"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. "
Argus Hamilton

13 comments:

Rodger the Real King of France said...: Looking at Tom Daschle's BIO on that site set me to wondering. Do Republicans use the phrase "fighting," and "fighter" when describing themselves as do Democrats? I smell something, like somebody left the irony on.; 5/18/07, 7:15 PM
Anonymous said...: I can summarize his credentials in one sentance.

Worst President ever and father of today's Islamic Terrorism.; 5/18/07, 7:43 PM
skh.pcola said...: Rodger, didn't mean to spam-bomb you, but Hellugh Thomas' photo on that site is the stuff that nightmares are made of. Most chicks her age remind me of a grandmother...she just makes me want to curl up into a fetal position.

Jimmuh's speaking fee must be really high, since it isn't listed.; 5/18/07, 7:56 PM
Anonymous said...: "fighting" or "tantrums"-- pretty much the same- both pretty well describe Dems.

TFV; 5/18/07, 8:49 PM
Anonymous said...: JIMMAH CAHTUH: A Study in Spineless Indecision and Ignorance in Positions of Prominence.

Because of gross oversight and clerical error, he was admitted to the US Naval Academy despite its policy against enrolling feeble-minded jerkoffs. Through continuing administrative malfeasance, he took a BS degree and commenced his personal crusade to transform the United States into a weak, socialist, third-rate paper tiger.

He followed up his BS degree with work in nuclear physics and engineering, which prepared him marvelously for dealing with lying, posturing, double-dealing, US-hating, Middle Eastern terrorists. His first book, Why Not The Best? looks into the reasons he failed so miserably and consistently as president. He pushed legislation which would protect various animals already doomed by nature and cause thousands of people their jobs. He promoted quotas for minorities in governmental jobs and college admissions, and sacrificed American prestige and hostages for a shot at the Nobel Peace Prize. He was key in abandoning the country’s claim on the Panama Canal, and spent most of his energies meddling in the internal affairs of other nations by criticizing their human rights policies. A poor farm boy from rural Georgia, he rose to the pinnacle of Worst President in the 20th century, all by himself, and is damned proud of it.

Had he not been born in a rural area of America, he would have been a perennial favorite for Monty Python’s “Upper-Class Twit of the Year” award. His mother apparently was not present at his birth, and he has gone through his adult life as an antique, expired consciousness completely unworthy of resuscitation. My secret suspicion is that he is some sort of Neanderthal cross with a jackass.

Jimmy Carter actually believes that Bill Clinton was a great president who never should have been impeached. In fact, Carter remains convinced that Clinton never lied, since his understanding of oral sex is just talking dirty. This assessment of a serious issue parallels his understanding of terrorism, where he believes our position in Iraq is 4th and 20 in the 9th with two in the penalty box and minus two points for hitting low. It’s entirely possible that the bones in his head never stopped calcifying when the rest of his body reached adulthood.

This animated wad of intellectually anemic protoplasm has a credibility rating about like professional wrestling. As a negotiator he is about as clever as Larry, Shemp, and Moe. Damn, I can feel my BP soaring just thinking about the walking advertisement for birth control. In fact, I’m just wasting my time here, ‘cause his mother summed it all up very nicely:

“Sometimes when I look at all my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin.’"
Lillian Carter

I wish I’d made that up, but I didn’t – she actually said it. The prosecution rests.; 5/18/07, 9:19 PM
Anonymous said...: Seriously eros, how do you really feel? I'm sure the ijit who wrote that tidbit burst into flames as he finished cause God had a word or two about lyin' to splain to him. Check this place out.
www.numbersusa.com
they are an attackfax place where they send faxes to the senate & house. no fee. pre-made faxes. they will email you everyday at least once to get you to send more though. I think it's pretty handy though. saves on writers cramp and carpal tunnel.; 5/18/07, 9:59 PM
Anonymous said...: Jimmy Carter aspired to create a government of competence

And I aspire to **** Angie Dickinson.

Let's see who gets lucky first.; 5/18/07, 10:02 PM
Anonymous said...: Great comments.
MM; 5/18/07, 10:12 PM
skh.pcola said...: eros total: totally agree, per the norm.

Unka Jr.: Angie Dickinson is a hot chick. I don't care if she is 30 years (or whatever) my senior, I'd jump--nay, leap!--at the chance to **** her.; 5/19/07, 1:32 AM
Anonymous said...: I believe the learned eros pretty much covered this ass crack in total. Well he also put in charge of a complicated rescue operation a staff officer that had never seen a day of ground combat in his life. i would have had better knoledge and hope of implementing the plan to rescue the hostages. also how will we ever forget the olympic bpycott and refusing to sell wheat to Russia to punish the Russians who turned around and bought it from Canada and a South american nation. It bank rupted hundreds of farmers many never recovered.My father in law survived only because he already had a contract with a country for several hundred thousand bushels of wheat.; 5/19/07, 5:44 AM
Anonymous said...: Dolly Parton and Lillian Carter, both famous for their big boobs.
Tim; 5/19/07, 7:53 AM
Anonymous said...: "We cast this message into the cosmos. Of the 200 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy, some - perhaps many - may have inhabited planets and space faring civilizations. If one such civilization intercepts Voyager and can understand these recorded contents, here is our message: We are trying to survive our time so we may live into yours. We hope some day, having solved the problems we face, to join a community of Galactic Civilizations. This record represents our hope and our determination and our goodwill in a vast and awesome universe."

-President Carter, Recorded on the golden record on the Voyager spacecraft, which is now outside of the Sol system; 5/19/07, 10:48 AM
MitchM said...: Nothing quite like having the planets biggest wuss send a message to the galactic community. It's ok though, they won't know what it is anymore than the kids growing up now do. They'll think it's a frisbee.; 5/19/07, 4:48 PM

Friday, May 18, 2007

Carter's Speakers Bueau Bio

I Am Speechless

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