Classified

Actual excerpts from classified sections.

“ ** Illiterate? Write today for free help. ** Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. ** Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. ** Stock up and save. Limit: one. ** Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. ** For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ** Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too. ** Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. ** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. ** Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. ** Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. ** Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. ** And now, the Superstore - unequalled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivalled inconvenience. ** We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home ”