Today's Maxim |
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Monday, October 22, 2007
2 comments:
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Anonymous said...
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Snake handler.
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10/22/07, 11:16 AM
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Anonymous said...
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Hillary Clinton
No doubt this woman is clever and blessed with a wide, versatile, flexible set of values and ethics. Her mind never rests, always thinking, planning, scheming . . . as proven by her dual master’s theses “I Feel Very Strongly On Both Sides of the Issue” and “Overcoming Peace of Mind Through Machiavelli.” She began her academic life at North-by-Northwest University, where she first attempted a major in The Joys of Hypochondria. Her family doctor suggested that her health might improve through more physical activity, so she became a sports enthusiast, engaging in such pursuits as Raising Taxes, Leaping to Conclusions, Supporting Idiots, and Lifting Embargoes on rogue nations. In what would be superb practice for her married life, she joined the Look At The Size of This Burden I Am Forced To Bear Club when she transferred to Bogus University where she published a stirring essay which has motivated Democrats ever since: “Whining Your Way to Total Alienation.”
From there she went to Son of Sam State Normal college before finally enrolling at Wellesley where she felt confident she could find some true girlfriends for life. Her family tried to get her to switch to the Spiro T. Agnew School of Tact, but she felt her graduate theses would have greater national impact if she published them at a more prestigious school. So she sneaked into Yale and began collaboration with other campus activists to develop more effective ways to apply the ideals of Marx and Lenin to America. She sensed that within her lifetime the country might be ripe for takeover by a frigid socialist feminist, but she would need a series of stepping stones to get to that pinnacle of power. The siren call of civil rights convinced her that she could do the most damage to the nation by grooming a naïve but charismatic young Southern politician and leading him from the statehouse of a rural backwater into a position of prominence in Washington. The rest is history.
Barack Obama
Barry, the Muslim Idol, is too busy designing his new home on Mt. Courvoisier to be bothered with traditional values, traditional patriotism, or traditional campaigning. Rather than actually addressing issues, he carefully chooses his responses to carefully selected reporters’ carefully worded questions for shock value rather than substance, believing that bad publicity and controversy are better than no publicity at all. He has cloaked himself in an African-American costume and trained himself to speak in the sweet, dulcet tones of Motown, hoping to resurrect and embody enough of the spirit of Barry White and Diana Ross Diana Ross to become black enough to win the nomination on a cresting wave of apologetic political correctness.
He’d prob’ly soil himself and head back to the big house if somebody like Thompson or Giuliani picked Condi Rice as running mate to counter “The Dream Ticket.” -
10/22/07, 1:39 PM
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