Friday, February 08, 2008

Lawyer joke

Charity



The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.  So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you haven't give a donation to the United Way charity in years.  Wouldn't you like to again start giving something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay? 

Embarrassed, the United Way Rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken United Way Rep begins to stammer an apology... 

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring a huge array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way Rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"


And there's so many other reasons never to give The United Way the Time of Day.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I learned along time ago that when you give to the United Way then THEY decide where to donate YOUR money AFTER they skim off their handsome fees.

Anonymous said...

Having worked for two United Way beneficiaries at different times, I can state the way which money was spent at one and the way I was directed to spend at the other approached criminal malfeasance ... Vice Sgt Boone

OregonGuy said...

I remember the wife of our district's state representative coming into my office in the late '80's. She was there to shake the staff down.

I told her that I personally made private donations to organizations with whose work I could see value for dollar. But, that unfortunately, United Way did not meet my personal criteria.

I then pointed out that I would make her appeal known to the staff.

And then I let her know that if she had used the word "please" at any time, she probably would have had a warmer reception. I thanked her for her interest in my company's employees and told her my wish that she have a nice day.

Never again did United Way darken our door.

Obernai said...

I stopped giving to the United Way when they stopped supporting the Boy Scouts. Now, when the United Way employee brainwashed reps come knocking on my office door, I kindly tell them I support the Boy Scouts directly with both my money and my time and they can go suck eggs.

I am happy to say that the US Army continues to provide ammunition to the Boy Scouts so the boys can learn to shoot .22 rifles at summer camp. Target range was one of my favorite activites as a Boy Scout and I was thrilled when my own sons had the same opportunity this past summer courtesy of the US Army and our tax dollars.

Take that Berkely CA!!!

Anonymous said...

I stopped giving to the United Way when my then-bosses at Sears came to me and tried to strong-arm me into giving so they could reach their "100% quota".

I told them what I give to charity is [b]my[/b] business, that I probably gave far more than [b]they[/b] did but it was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS especially when they try to use those tactics.

They were ticked and I got some retaliation for it, but I stuck to my guns....

Anonymous said...

I stopped giving when I got out of the armed forces. Their evil twin, the Combined Federal Campaign, was what we had to deal with there. Of course pressure was applied to meet the 100% goal of our divisions, and we were threatened with downgraded evaluations if we didn't "give".

I met with a variation on that theme when employed by ADP Dealer Services. They had the unmitigated GALL to fill out the pledge cards in advance with an amount they deemed "proper"for our pay level.

My card went into the waste paper basket after I tore it into several pieces in front of the pledge captain. I then said to him that if he went into my payroll records ever again that it would cost him dearly. Many others in my department did the very same thing.

My wallet is already lightened in the name of charity by the badges and guns of government so my charitable giving now consists of one-on-one to those I know personally, or donations of books and other media to local retirement homes.

the friendly grizzly

Anonymous said...

The United Way, thanks to me they're working.
Translation: They had to get a job to make up for what I won't give them.
My former place of emploment had a high percentage of Scout leaders. When Untied Way dropped the scouts, they went arround and asked all of us to specify on our pledge card Boy Scouts or No Donation. When they took the money and did not give it to the scouts, several of us went down and asked them. When we were told the dollars had been redirected because of the ban on Scout support, we all immediately stopped support. Didn't attend a Untied Way session after that.

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