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- Your stall warning plays DIXIE.
- Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
- You think sectionals should show trailer parks.
- You've ever used moonshine as AV-Gas.
- Your 172's wheel pants have mud flaps with a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.
- Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
- You've ever taxied around the airport just drinking beer.
- You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
- You use an old sweet mix sack as a windsock.
- You constantly confuse "Beechcraft" with "Beechnut."
- You've never flown a nose-wheel airplane.
- You refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy."
- Your matched set of lightweight flying luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
- You have a gun rack in the rear window.
- You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling on.
- You figure mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations.
- You siphon gas from your tractor to go flying.
- You've never landed at an actual airport even though you've been flying for over 20 years.
- You've ever ground looped to avoid hitting a cow.
- You consider anything over 500-ft AGL as High Altitude Flying.
- There are parts on your aircraft labeled "John Deere."
- You don't own a current sectional, but have all the Texaco road maps for your area.
- There's a brown streak down each side of your airplane; exhaust on the right side and tobacco on the left.
- You have to buzz the strip to chase off the livestock before landing.
- You use an old parachute for a portable hanger.
- You've ever landed on Main Street for a cup of coffee.
- The tread pattern, if any, on all three of your tires is different.
- You have a pair of fuzzy dice and some small copper shoes hanging from the Magnetic Compass.
- You put straw in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
- You've got matching bumper stickers on each side of the vertical stabilizer.
- There are grass stains on the tips of your propeller.
- Somewhere on your plane, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I'd rather be fishing."
- You navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations.
- You think an ultra light is a new sissy beer from Budweiser
- Just before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM heard you say, "Hey Y'all-Watch This!"
- You use your airplane for camping.
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