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The
smart voter realizes that no matter who the next president is,
he'll be a disaster for the United States. So, who to vote
for? The answer is -- that person with the best chance of dying.
The SHLONG INSTITUTE, in cooperation with the world renowned expert on age forensics, Dr. Thomas Paine, undertook just such an analysis. Here are the results.
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|
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McCain
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Obama
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Years of life expectancy
|
86
|
74
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Current Age
|
72
|
47
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Years left to live
|
14
|
27
|
|
 |
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As
expected, John McCain has the best chance of retiring early, but we
took it further. We asked both candidates to allow their wives to
answer this question.
Estimate how many Americans will want to kill your husband if he's elected?
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Cindy McCain
(underline 1)
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| Michelle Obama (underline 1) |
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| Based on her expectations, our actuaries reduced Obama's Life Expectancy by 50%, or 13.5 years |
|
McCain
|
Obama
|
Current Age
|
72
|
47
|
Years left to live
|
14
|
14½
|
|
(by a nose)
|
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Finally,
we took into account an important health element that was neglected by
Dr. Paine. When asked whether they had ever had melanoma, one of
the deadliest cancers, only McCain answered in the affirmative.
That resulted in an actuarial reduction of McCain's LE by 75%. or 10½ years.
|
|
McCain
|
Obama
|
Current Age
|
72
|
47
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Years left to live
|
3½
|
14½
|
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So it is that we endorse JOHN McCAIN for President!
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