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Dear Mahmoud,
I
won! (I just love saying that.) And as promised throughout my historic
campaign, I am now reaching out to you Mahmoud, Holocaust denier,
funder of terrorism, despotic ruler of Iran. This symbolic gesture of
my respect is just the beginning of my grand plan to bolster my
rightful place in history.
For
while Americans have been deliriously celebrating my election as the
first African American President of the United States, Arabs the world
over are celebrating the election of the first President of the United
States descended from Muslims. And to show my gratitude for the vast
support of the Muslim world, I very graciously gave my first media
interview on Al Arabiya. I finally felt free to discuss my Muslim
roots; the rich ancestry of which I am so very proud.
So
now dear friend, feel free to call me by my Allah given name, Barack
Hussein Obama. And while I quite enjoyed the citizens of this great
country calling me the Messiah, I am absolutely thrilled that I can
bring my middle name out from hiding. (Speaking of coming out of
hiding, did you see Qaddafi's brilliant analysis of the Mideast
conflict in my favorite publication, the fair and balanced New York
Times?)
I
do hope that all of my fans in the Middle East watched me on Al Arabiya
-- I love a big audience. You and I have that in common. The only
difference is that I draw my crowds with promises of hope and change
and you draw your crowds with promises to nuke Israel. Those little
differences in rhetoric are what make the world go round.
Yet
I digress. As I said in the interview, I look forward to renewing the
friendship that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or
30 years ago. Despite the death of our soldiers in the Somalian
intervention, the slaughter of Marines sleeping in their barracks in
Lebanon, and the seizure of the US Embassy in Tehran (reminder to self:
call Jimmy Carter for additional advice on Middle East policy), I am
sure that the Muslim people respected America back then. In order to
forge a return to this friendship, I promise only carrots going
forward. (I'm saving the sticks for those pesky Republicans -- I'll
achieve bipartisanship even if I have to beat it out of them.)
So
Mr. President (from one Supreme Ruler to another), I look forward to
meeting you without any preconditions, even if you have requirements
prior to a get-together. Notwithstanding your pledge to wipe Israel off
the face of the map and ... (American Thinker Continued)
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