| “
|
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
- I take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
|
|
