Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello: The Old Marine

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Old Marine

NO SEX SINCE 1955

“

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; It's only 2130 now.'

”

Tom Mann

Rodger the Real King of France 10/16/2009 02:08:00 PM 10 Comments

"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. "
Argus Hamilton

10 comments:

Anonymous said...: AHAHAA!! Good one.
Juice; 10/16/09, 3:07 PM
Anonymous said...: A classic. Like this one.

An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "lucky bastard, all shore duty!"
Tim

P.S. Hi Juice.; 10/16/09, 3:20 PM
Anonymous said...: Rodger will probably sensor this, but what the hell.

A little boy walks into the head, that's a men's room for you civilians, and a sailor in his dress blues is standing in front of him. The little boys says, "Mr. are you a sailor?" To which the sailor replies. "Yes sonny, do you want to wear my hat?" Placing it upon his head.

A moment later, in strolls a Marine in his dress blues, and the little boy all wide-eyed asks. "Mr. are you a Marine?" To which the Marine replies. "Why kid, do you want to suck my ****?"

The little boy says, "Oh no, I'm not a real sailor. I'm just wearing this hat."

Casca; 10/16/09, 4:19 PM
Anonymous said...: Used to have a nice collection of "Dixie Cups" in my wall locker. All won fair and square. It's better in the Corps.; 10/16/09, 4:40 PM
Anonymous said...: I always use "military time" (24hr clock) :-); 10/16/09, 5:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Yo! back at ya Tim.
Juice; 10/16/09, 5:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Casca~ Married a submariner, when our first son became USMCR... we heard the jokes:
"Naval ship goes down with 600 men onboard, comes back up with 300 couples."
Juice

WV: ovens
*scary* via Obambo; 10/16/09, 5:59 PM
Anonymous said...: OK.

A Marine and an Army guy are in a rest room taking a leak. The Army guy finishes, zips up and starts to walk out the door. The Marine says "in the Marines, we were taught to wash our hands after relieving ourselves".
The Army guy says "in the Army, we were taught to not piss on our hands".
HAHAHA
Steve, the Army guy; 10/16/09, 9:46 PM
cmblake6 said...: No, no, that was Army and Air Force.; 10/17/09, 2:05 AM
BruHa said...: The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building"

The Army will post guards around the place.

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters

The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.; 10/17/09, 3:19 PM

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Old Marine

10 comments:

Post a Comment