Friday, March 05, 2010

Kids and the Bible

and god created kids ..

Boned Jello

We all get e-mailed stuff in all Caps.  In the instance where I want to forward it, I uncap the text  because I hate it.  I used to just retype, but no more.
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You're welcome.  Now, this delight from Merrily.

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. if you are even remotely familiar with holy scripture, you'll find this hilarious! it comes from a roman catholic elementary school test. kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. the following statements about the bible were written by children. they have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

Boned Jello
2. adam and eve were created from an apple tree. noah's wife was joan of ark. noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. the jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5.sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.

6.samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8.the egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. after wards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.

9. the first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

10.the seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. moses died before he ever reached canada.. then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.

12.  the greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. david was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. he fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Boned Jello
15. when mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

16. when the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

17. jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. st. john the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. he also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone..

20. it was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. the people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. the epistels were the wives of the apostles.

Boned Jello
23. one of the oppossums was st. matthew who was also a taximan.

24. st. paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

25. christians have only one spouse . this is called monotony  


Jinglebob said...

I doubt many adults could give much better answers!


Anonymous said...


I found your site by mistake, MISTAKE being the operative word. Some how,, I do not know why buttt I like what you spew every day!! PLEASE KEEP IT UP.

bocopro said...

I published a series of articles similar to this from various college-level students writing about history and literature. They're far too long to post here, but I did them up in the manner of Richard Lederer (here

Lederer put out several books in a similar vein. Interesting stuff for English, literature, and history buffs.

Rodger the Real King of France said...


bocopro's link -

The World According to Student Bloopers

Anonymous said...

Tks, RKOF.

Hard to b'lieve I once was a damned good electronics tech, ain't it?

Alear said...

Oh my gosh, that's too funny (says me, on this Lenten Friday). I wanna get this one tattoo'd:

when mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta

Anonymous said...

The book "Anguished English" is a compendium collected by a teacher during his career and contains thousands of similar quotes. It's tears-in-your-eyes funny!

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