Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Scrap Yard

Government Scrap Yard
A Fable

Boned Jello


Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning position and hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-11.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Q. C. position and hired two (2) people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two (2) people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative position and hired three (3) people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.


8 comments:

Juice said...

Obamanomics. How the Teh One created jobs and reduced the unemployment rate.....In a nutshell. Clap.Clap.

Anonymous said...

Obviously fiction. They would never lay off anybody just because it went over-budget!

Lergnom said...

First time I heard it, the gov't closed the scrap yard.

Rodger the Real King of France said...

that works

TechnoYid said...

As a government bureaucrat, the ending does not ring true. It should be more like...

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they hired a Contracting Officer (GS-13), who let a contract to a consulting firm to determine the best way to make the cuts that Congress demanded.

The consulting firm developed a series of white papers that outlined how, by contracting out the various functions, the government could save over $350,000 each year.

So they put together an IPT (integrated product team) of the various admin officers and the night watchman to write the RFC. (They had to hire a second night watchman to cover the work of the first night watchman.)

The RFC was finally put out, and various proposals from beltway bandits came in. The choice was made based upon the lowest cost, rather than such factors as past performance or suitable personnel on hand.

The first night watchman was sent to school to become the COTR (Contracting Officer's Technical Representative) and came back at twice his original pay. The second night watchman was given a raise and became the Technical Monitor to make sure the contractors were doing their job.

Everything was fine until they realized that the contractors were not doing part of the job. They requested the contractor to do that part of the job, and the contractor replied that that was out-of-scope of the contract as written, but, they could renegotiate the contract to include the "new" task, but it would include a higher cost.

This was done.

At this time, the Contracting Officer retired, and was replaced by another GS-13. The former Contracting Officer was immediately hired by the contractor and became their technical liason to the government.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for three years and it is $1,750,000 over budget, we must have underestimated the true cost. We will increase the budget, and give incentive awards to all the government folk working this issue for making it work even without the 'proper' funding."

pdwalker said...

Izzy: stop scaring me.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Izzy has some experience in this field. You a govy Iz?

Casca

Anonymous said...

Izzy, you forgot that there had to be a 'special consideration' given to minority and womens owned firms, and the whole contract had to be re-bid. Of course, Davis-Bacon labor laws were involved, so the out-of-work state natives were locked out of applying for the work, and it was awarded to Union-represented out-of-state minorities.
A subsequent GAO audit revealed that the scrap metal had been so ruined by exposure that it was worthless, and sold to the highest bidder. Funny how those complete J79d engines ended up on a slow barge to China... Iran at scrap aluminum value? whatever.
The site was eventually declared a "Super Fund" disaster site because of spilled JP5 and lube oils.

tomw

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