My Movie Reviews

I Don't Need to See Them to Rate Them

Cuzzin Brian the Movie Guy does his year-end 15 I hated and 15 I loved.  I took some of them and did my own reviews (in red).  I've seen enough movies that I no longer have to see them to be pretty much spot-on.  But, you decide.

INCEPTION (with Leonardo DiCaprio) Satisfyingly intricate, approachably intelligent, ground-breakingingly vivid, thunderously action-packed, mind numbingly intense and thrillingly heart-pounding. It’s a masterfully made and riveting piece of cinema. DiCaprio reminds me of a wuss, so this movies sucks THE SOCIAL NETWORK (with Jesse Eisenberg) A tightly-wound drama that fires so well on all pistons (directing, writing, acting, cinematography, music, etc). A fascinating movie about privacy, ownership, insecurity, competition and social hierarchy. Too much room for leftist political input, sucks TRUE GRIT (with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon) Truly dirty, truly dusty, truly gritty. A briskly-paced, creatively-written, expertly-acted, vividly-violent and sure-handed movie that easily finds a spot among the top westerns of all time. It’s brilliant at every turn. TRUE GRIT is a true hit! Jeff Bridges good.  Matt Damon puke.  But, it's from the Coen Bros, and maybe Matt Damon dies a horrible grizzly death, so on balance -- almost Academy Award. RED (with Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren) An off-beat, action-packed and romantic MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE meets THE BUCKET LIST hybrid that moves with such a hip, comical and aggressively-casual cinematic fluidity that it’s almost impossible not to enjoy. Good cast.  Academy Award. SECRETARIAT (with Diane Lane and John Malkovich) The stakes aren’t that high (like in SEABISCUIT) and it never shies away from its formulaic and predictable roots but SECRETARIAT still remains a well-acted, exhilarating and heartwarming Disney sports drama. It’s inspirational and great for the entire family. Secretariat…was a stud! Diane Lane does great sex scenes (right), but with a horse?  Malkovich is getting greedy.  Sucks. THE A-TEAM (with Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper) Out of control, over the top and cheesy. Turn your brain off and enjoy this big, bright, shiny, non-stop, laugh out loud, high-wattage, big budget, blow ‘em up, double-cross, Hollywood, explosion-filled, well acted, chase fest. It’s basically the cinematic equivalent of drinking a double red bull and vodka thru a straw made of licorice. I pity the fool who misses it… I'll trust Brian on this one.  Academy Award. BLACK SWAN (with Natalie Portman) FIGHT CLUB meets FAME in this darkly off-beat, beautifully stirring and unnervingly-twisted movie. It’s definitely not for everyone but this whacked-out bird soars! Fight Club meets Fame reminds me of Don't Ask Don't Tell meets the Marine Corps.  Sucks. THE KARATE KID (with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan) A subdued Jackie Chan and a charismatic Fresh Prince Jr. not only deliver a beautifully poignant love letter to the imagery and culture of China but, and this is the most important part, a family friendly (ages 7+ recommended), crowd pleasing, feel good flick that’ll make you stand up and cheer…and maybe even strike the Crane pose! I hated the original Ka-Snotty Kid, and remakes are always worse than the original.  Sucks big time. THE FIGHTER (with Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale) An interesting story with expert direction and powerful performances, THE BOXER injects this otherwise formulaic sports saga with tensions of family that ultimately give it true heart. The real bouts are fought in the living room…when the gloves are off. THE BOXER is tough. THE BOXER is scrappy. THE BOXER will knock you out! As much as was disinclined to do so, I've liked everything Marky Mark has done, and Christian Bale really throws himself into a film.  Academy Award., THE BOOK OF ELI (with Denzel Washington) A simplistic, spiritually action-packed, non-preachy, post-apocalyptic, word-of-God western that dazzles with equal parts faith, hope and butt-kicking mayhem. Hallelujah, amen – I loved it! Denzel is way overexposed.  Who cares. THE TOWN (with Ben Affleck) Say what you want about Affleck (lord knows I have) but he knocks this Boston crime movie out of the ‘pawk’! Yes, it feels a lot like HEAT or THE DEPARTED and the title is more than a little generic but inside it’s a gritty, turbulent, moody, perfectly cast and smartly written movie that burns with a white hot intensity. Visit THE TOWN! with Ben Affleck says it all. This movie sucks. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON (animated) The story is unshockingly familiar – but, the movie still dazzles! Vivid animation, fun characters, exciting action and it puts you in the what’s-it-like-to-fly seat almost as well as anything we saw in AVATAR. Didn't see Avatar but it sucked, so does this. Cuzzin Brian the Movie Guy has more, and he actually saw the movies he reviews.