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Nelson:
"Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the
meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir, you'll have to read this."
Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or
her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this, Hardy?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, sir. We're an equal opportunity employer now.
We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest
it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated
smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. I ts part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it
..................... Full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this
stretch of water." (Continued)
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Tim W
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