BINGO! The DMC Explains a Shooting without paying any attention to speak of about the shooter being an an anti-religion pothead who admired Mein-Kampf and loved the Communist Manifesto - and is by all accounts insane |
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scream-of-consciousness; "If you're trying to change minds and influence people it's probably not a good idea to say that virtually all elected Democrats are liars, but what the hell."
BINGO! The DMC Explains a Shooting without paying any attention to speak of about the shooter being an an anti-religion pothead who admired Mein-Kampf and loved the Communist Manifesto - and is by all accounts insane |
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"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. " |
This will be the comment box |
Man, the bats are out in force over this shooting in Arizona, even worse than when Clinton blamed McVeigh’s bombing of the Federal Building on Rush Limbaugh’s agitation.
Now we got people claiming the shooter was everything from a CIA operative to a member of the Sinaloa Cartel. I’ve read suggestions that Sarah Palin is behind it, Glenn Beck is implicated in it, Fox News was somehow involved, and one loon even suggested a George Bush connection this morning at the Tom Thumb near my house.
Don’t remember who said it first, but my grandfather used to tell me to believe none of what I hear and only half of what I read. Well, he came from a simpler, more innocent time when you COULD believe a little of what you read. Anyway, allow me to offer you this little translation guide for prefacing or qualifying remarks you see or hear regularly in today’s media:
“It is believed that . . .” -- This occurred to me while sitting on the commode
“It is generally understood that . . .” -- I heard someone else saying the same thing
“Local records show . . .” -- Why did they send me to this redneck backwater!?
“Correct according to what we know so far . . .” -- WRONG!
“As you can see . . .” -- This is the best graphic we could come up with this quickly
“A recent survey showed . . .” -- Rumor has it
“Statistics indicate . . .” -- A wild-ass guess
“After continued research by my associates . . .” -- Nobody knows what the hell is going on
“In our experience at this organization . . .” -- Once upon a time
“In situation after situation . . .” -- Twice
“In a series of related cases . . .” -- Three times
“According to local authorities . . .” -- Do these people speak English?
“Typical comments shown below . . .” -- Here are the ones we want you to see
“As has long been known in this area . . .” -- Nobody knows how this shit got started
“A popular understanding indicates . . .” -- These idiots will buy anything you tell ‘em
“It was reported that . . .” -- My sound man heard a taxi driver say
“Some experts argue that . . .” -- We found a few crackpots who are just loony enough to be interesting
“This report will deal with only the high points . . .” -- I haven’t found anything new since my last report
“It is apparent that . . .” -- My boss wants me to say this
“The situation suggests that . . .” -- I’ve been drinking some really good bourbon
“The implications on this are clear . . .” -- If anything were clear on this, we wouldn’t have to speculate
“Many questions are left unanswered . . .” -- I don’t have the slightest clue what’s going on
“The President reacted today in a statement . . .” -- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
“This will have a strong impact on the next election . . .” -- The Tea Party is responsible
“People want to know what they can do to help . . .” -- Send contributions to
“It can only be hoped that further investigation into this . . .” -- To hell with it! I’m outta here.
It's a magazine, not a clip. You use a clip to speedload a magazine. Sarah's map used a surveyor's mark to highlight districts, not a crosshair. And so on...