| Two Cultured Things |
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Sunday, September 11, 2011
12 comments:
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Anonymous said...
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This fifth generation native Texan likes those shapely legs with the sexy stockings, but I don't give a rat's ass for uppity snots who think the placement of tableware is important. I can eat an entire meal with one knife, one fork and one long, tea spoon. If the tea is properly sweetened, leave out the spoon.
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9/11/11, 10:53 PM
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David said...
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I love having several forks at my table setting so that when I drop one on the floor I don't have to wipe it on my pants cuff before continuing my meal.
I ain't proud of being an unsophisticated good ole boy, but I'm not ashamed of it either. -
9/11/11, 11:07 PM
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Anonymous said...
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peasant
Emily P -
9/11/11, 11:09 PM
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Anonymous said...
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A business traveler tried a new upscale restaurant, and noticed every waiter had a spoon in his black tuxedo’s chest pocket. At the end of his excellent meal, he asked his waiter why every waiter had a spoon in his pocket.
The waiter explained that the restaurant's owner fancied himself an efficiency expert and decided that since the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil, he could save time if the waiter didn’t have to make a trip to the kitchen to replace it. The traveler thought the idea a little nit picky, but reasonable, tipped the waiter and left.
On a subsequent trip, eating at the same restaurant, the traveler noticed the same spoons, but in addition, every waiter had a white string dangling from his fly. He told his waiter he knew about the spoons, but wanted to know what the story was on the string.
The waiter explained in an exasperated voice that their “efficiency expert” owner decided that the waiters were wasting too much time washing their hands after using the toilet, and by tying this string to the tip of their you know what, they could pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash their hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom.
The traveler, nodded, thought a moment, and asked “Well how do you put it back in your pants?”
The waiter replied, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the goddamn spoon."
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick -
9/11/11, 11:39 PM
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Tom Mann said...
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That's a track bike, no gears, no brakes.
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9/12/11, 12:30 AM
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Anonymous said...
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So that's why there's no place on the chart for my oyster spoon. I'll just use my fingers.
Or, as Ludwig van Beethoven said after spitting a piece of very hot potato out onto his plate at a smotheringly aristocratic do and shocking the other guests,
"Y'know, there's some fools here as would ha' et that."
--Sapo Mal -
9/12/11, 1:34 AM
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Chuck Martel said...
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Using the correct fork is like saying please and thank you and chewing with your mouth closed.
Ignorance of your culture is not considered cool. -
9/12/11, 8:54 AM
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toadold said...
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I was dining with a lady one time and she started insisting that I should use my table ware in the Continental manner instead of the English style since the Continental manner was so much more efficient and stylish. After a bit I said, "Efficiency is in the eye of the beholder, using my knife with my right and then using my right hand to use my fork gives me more precise control, for instance with my knife in my right had I can quickly put this dab of butter on your blouse before you can react." ...and then the fight started. I pretty much don't care about others table manners as long as they don't fart, spit, or puke at the table.
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9/12/11, 10:25 AM
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Anonymous said...
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Amen Chuck, I can eat spaghetti with my knife but I would rather use a fork. You dont always have to eat like a class act but you should know how to.
-bfhogues -
9/12/11, 10:34 AM
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Kristophr said...
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Sitting at a table is for unsophisticated provincials.
Proper dining requires reclining on cushions, and eating with three fingers ( not five ).
A good host provides plenty of napkins and a finger bowl full of water, and tostus bread for the wine ( a bit of toast in the wine will sop up any vinegar or fusil oil flavors ).
It is considered polite for the host to offer the guests a "toast", by drinking the first glass from the decanter himself in front of his guests, as proof the wine is not poisoned. -
9/12/11, 11:16 AM
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Skoonj said...
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Just make sure you reach for food with your right hand, not your left.
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9/12/11, 12:35 PM
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Wabano said...
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You cant, as you are reclining on your left side...the right hand thus is used for eating and whacking your slave at every other morsel.
A bother of course, but you have to show how stern you are with the slaves...(if you aint, you will indeed swiftly end up as a slave yourself)...
as Romans did not quibble with social obligations...but you dont have to worry about slaves, they cost less than an onion! -
9/12/11, 2:43 PM
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