Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Tuna on Whole Wheat Please

                   
                    

 
WHOLE WHEAT SANDWICH BREAD

Res Ipsa Loquitor
Whole Wheat Bread

I used to make bread a lot when the kiddies were non-existent, or still young. Then it became too time consuming.  Awhile back, after buying a bread machine (re-con Cuisinart from Woot - one of my bet buys ever), I started again.  But the whole wheat bread recipes sucked big time, and rye bread wasn't even an option in their cook book.  Recently I watched this video from COOKs, and was intrigued. 

It seems the reason home made whole wheat breads are, at best, white bread with wheat  color is chemical.  Whole wheat granules have razor blades growing out of them, which slice the gluten to shreds and inhibit the ability of yeast to do it's thing.  The solution—melt the razor blades in a milk bath!

This is a 24 hour deal, although it can probably be cut to 8 hours.  I screwed up because after making the Biga and putting it to rest, I decided to watch some movies.  The next day I discovered that I was also to have made the "soaker" at the same time, so I was behind.  I made the soaker and put it in the fridge, and after 8 hours continued with step three.

Res Ipsa LoquitorLet me tell you something, combing two clumps of yeast risen sticky dough by hand is a sumbitch.  While I own damned near every cooking device known to man, I do not own a Cuisinart mixer—because MoSup put her foot down and said she would not have yet another gadget cluttering her counter top.  But wait. Bingo!  I set the Cuisinart bread maker to "Dough" and plopped the two clumps in with  the honey, salt and yeast, etc. Voila!

But wait.

I evidently had screwed around with it so much that I punctured magic yeast membrane, and it wouldn't rise.  Of course I only discovered this after waiting 45 minutes and finding it flat. 

"I know, the marble counter was too cold!"
  So I opened the oven door (I had it preheated to 400°) and put the loaf pans on the open door.  Nope.  Still didn't rise. S@&*## F*!#! 

I was about to throw the whole mess away, but what the heck.  I ripped all the dough into little pieces and put them back into the bread machine, with more honey and more yeast.  This time it worked.

Of course the truest test any of my cooking must pass is MoSup's palate.  She freaking wet her pants!  USA USA USA.  I toasted two slices and made me a tuna sandwich, and YES.  This bread is so nutritious that you will actually lose weight and restore your boner.

If you want the written recipe- here. You're welcome.


PS- Here's my next adventure


12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bread machines. Blah. Hand kneeded bread. I make it all the time. The first (fresh) loaf goes fastest. And I experimented with whole wheat and honey and got it down pretty good. Now I'll read your recepies.
Tim

Anonymous said...

And then there's bread gloves.
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/bread%20gloves
righty gomez

Anonymous said...

Sounds like an ordeal Rog-I have a 20 year old commercial Vita-Mix that I drop whole wheat berries in, grind them to fresh flour, add my honey, yeast and water mix which has already risen-crank the Vita Mix for another minute or two, plop it into my covered, stone baking dish, let it rise, beat it down and let it rise again and bake it. Light airy whole wheat bread every time. Actual work time about 10 minutes

And the variations are endless-my cranberry, walnut, pistachio or jalapeño & cheddar are killer.

I balked when I bought the damn thing, cost around $600 in the early 90s, but it is an amazing appliance. It turns so fast, you can make hot soup in it with just your ingredients and broth in 5 minutes-or fruit, 1/2 & 1/2 and a little sugar and ice, ice cream and I mean killer ice cream in a few minutes-like nut butters, pecan and walnut, wow. Post work out shakes or smoothies, I mean it's amazing.
MM

Rodger the Real King of France said...

I want it. Will you give it to me? Or be a prick about it?

:)

TimO said...

Used to make bread all the time, especially when I lived up north and it was cool out. Would love to have a bread machine.... BUT I'd end up weighing 500pounds. So that's out.

Anonymous said...

I use a Vitamix to grind wheat berries ( a 25# bag of Great River is now up to $1.20 a pound and rising at Amazon. Food inflation will destabilize the world.) I knead using a big ass stand mixer.

I make a pretty decent powdered milk and honey whole wheat loaf by adding a few tbs of gluten and one of lecithin to each loaf. I get good results by letting the kneaded dough sit overnight in a real cool place to soften the wheat. To wake the yeast up the next day, I nuke a couple of cups of water and then put the pans in the microwave with it for moist heat.

Freddie Sykes

Anonymous said...

I think you have an appliance fetish dude like I love flashlights(and guns and glass)-if I had 2....they don't make the one I have anymore, it's all stainless with chrome and bright red lettering, very retro. I think even Mother Sup would let you keep this on the counter.
MM

Rodger the Real King of France said...

so you're being selfish, right?

Anonymous said...

Bread machines are too homo.
Read, "Artisan Bread in 5 minutes".
All you need (WITHOUT ANY KNEADING):
* 6-1/2 cups flour
(NOTE: either 1) 6-1/2 white, 5-1/2 white and 1 semolina, or 5-1/2 white with 1/2 whole wheat and 1/2 rye)
* 3 cups water
* 1-1/2 tbsp yeast
* 1-1/2 tbsp coarse salt (in a pinch, you can use semen, I suppose)
440 degrees for 30 minutes with some water-in a pot in the oven

Anonymous said...

The secret to tasty whole wheat bread is to add millet. Depending on the size of the batch, I add anywhere from a half cup to a full cup of whole millet.

I can make really fantastic whole wheat sourdough bread. Unfortunately, I can't eat the stuff any more.

Anonymous said...

No knead dough is too sticky for my taste. It's like touching liver in a non-Portnoy way.

Freddie Sykes

Anonymous said...

Tell ya what Rog, it's yours when I pass on.
MM

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