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The
Constitution of the United States, As Edited by the College Sensitivity
Committee
PREAMBLE
We the People [not ALL the people] of the United States [U.S.-centric!]
in Order to form a more perfect Union [singles’ therapy and
anatomy-neutral gingerbread persons available to uncoupled undergrads]
establish Justice [students unfairly punished for “wrong” answers on
organic-chemistry exam should join the Tweet for A’s study group],
insure domestic Tranquility [teaching assistants who are married but
still exploring their socio-sexual identities advised to stop reading
now], provide for the common defence [those who have ever felt
intimidated by campus security, please gather in the cafeteria,
Thursday at 2 P.M., for Stoning ‘n Donuts] promote the general Welfare
[warning: could cause distress to anyone not happy all the time], and
secure the Blessings [anti-atheistic] of Liberty [full disclosure: I’m
going outside now to dumpster-dive for lunch and do community
service—it’s a beautiful day, though I mustn’t forget that the fine
weather is a serious indicator of global warming] to ourselves [the
Committee of Apologies feels shame that the Founding Parents used such
a possessive, exclusive, and egomaniacal pronoun] and . . . [The length
of this Preamble, which consists entirely of one complex sentence, is
discriminatory to those suffering from A.D.D., as well as other
learning issues, so we are skipping ahead to Article I, Section 1; not
that we’re implying that there’s anything wrong with a disorder, or
even learning, as long as it is consensual.] (original link; College
Insurrection)
Read
the original article:
The
Constitution of the United States, As Edited by the College Sensitivity
Committee (The
New Yorker)
"Every
constitution, then, and every law, naturally expires at the end of
nineteen years. If it be enforced longer, it is an act of force, and
not of right." Tom
Jefferson
The subtext of
which is If you allow shit to happen, it will, so God forbid we should
ever be 20 years without a rebellion..
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